Dear Kaci...

It's been a few weeks. I feel like a bad mommy I have been so busy with the holidays and everything going on with you being sick time has gotten away from me. This past week has been a rollercoaster. One moment we are told you have pneumonia and swine flu then the next day I am informed that you have neither of those and you have a VERY BAD bladder infection. Thank God for Dr. Little he has been such a blessing since the moment you were born I could never ask for a better pediatrician. Then the other day you stopped taking a bottle then you wouldn't take you paci which was really when I knew something was up because you LOVE you paci. So I took you to vanderbilt and of course you have a BAD case of thrush due to the antibiotics for the bladder infection. Today you finally started taking your bottles again. I have done nothing but cry,pray, and cuddle with you. You have said "Mama" over 20 times the past few days and MiMi and Daddy heard you so I am not losing my mind haha. You don't know what it does to me. On one hand it makes me the happiest mommy in the world and on the other hand you say it mostly when your upset and want me and its heartbreaking to know I couldn't do much to help you. My sweet angel I have enjoyed the cuddle and snuggling time we have had the last few days but now that your feeling better you don't seem to want to snuggle anymore except when your sleepy. But, I am glad your feeling better and I will take the snuggling anytime I can get it. You make me so happy. I watched you sleep last night for hours I just couldn't sleep because I was so happy that you were reating peacefully for the first night in almost a week. I cried and smiled out of shear happiness all night. I love you my angel...know that always. I am gonna go snuggle up next to you and daddy.

Update.

I have the biggest idiots in the world for doctors at the hospital here in town. My child does not have pneumonia nor does she have swine flu. She has a bladder infection. I took her to her pediatrician this morning cause I just didn't feel right... I am beyond pissed right now. But here are some pictures of my child who "has pneumonia and swine flu" :)

It's been so crazy...

I have no clue where to even start this. I guess I should start last week when I awoke to my daughter trying to roll over...well her arm got caught underneath her so I helped her nad put her arm up for her and she started crying so I rolled her over myself and I realized she wasn't moving her arm. She wouldn't reach for anything and anytime I touched her arm she screamed. So automatically I said we gotta go to the hospital. We got there and they knew something was up as well so they took her back for XRAYS and while they were holding her arm down on the table to get good pictures something popped back into place and BAM she was better. She was reaching and clapping and waving and it was like nothing happened. They called it Nursemaids elbow and apparently my brother had this same thing when he was a baby so... yea. But that was nothing compared to yesterday. I woke up and Kaci was acting funny. The night before she wasn't to interested in drinking her bottle but she didn't have a fever so I just gave her some tylenol and et her go to sleep I assumed her teeth were hurting her and she was so restless all night so when she woke up I took her temp again and it was 102.3 so I called her doctor but things were going downhill fast she started shaking and trembling and it was terrible to see so I told mom to call an ambulance. Now, I was not overreacting something was happening and I am so thankful I called them. They got here and took her temp and it had jumped to 104.5 so we tried to give her tylenol and she started pukin she puked 2 good glassfuls. We got in the ambulance and I gave her some tylenol she got it down and her fever went down to 102.3 again then we got to the hospital and they triaged her and her fever was back up to 105.5 and she was just so ill and upset. Long story short after a catheter and IV fluids they said she had an upper respiratory infection and maybe the makings of the Swine Flu so they gave her Tamiflu and sent us home. She has been okay ever since I give her Motrin and Tylenol (that is safe) and it has kept her fever down. I am just emotionally drained at this point. I saw things yesterday that brought back awful memories of when she was rushed to Vanderbilt for emergency surgery. I just cried. I tried to stay strong but it was just not happening. Luckily all Kaci wanted to do was cuddle and not just with anyone but with ME ! I was happy to oblidge :) ! I have to run her to the doc so I will post an update later.

Wordless Wednesday...

Its about time.

Had to get myself out of that funk of the last post. It sucks not because I wanted a child but because I just wasn't expecting it to happen and its just a bit shocking still. But, I can't dwell.

I know that I have not done my letters to Kaci in a few weeks so that will be happening very soon and will be starting back weekly. School is going GREAT ! I have a 100 in one of my classes and a 98 in my other class. I am rocking it. Loving every second of it. I feel so acomplished already and its been 3 weeks lol. But, for me to be doing this well in school and actually doing my schoolwork and wanting to go to class and all that its a miracle and I am just so thankful that God is giving me the strength and ambition to keep going as well as taking care of Kaci and cleaning my house and cooking dinner and trying to get some reading in every now and then I am just...worn out sometimes but I love being a wife and mother and student and a Godly woman.

I am reading Twilight. Loving it. I saw New Moon the other day and I was pleased. I told myself I would not get sucked into the whole ordeal like everyone else and I did and I am okay iwth it lol. I love it !! And I am so Team Edward. He is so gorgeous and he sparkles !

On GREAT news... My father got out Wednesday. He has been awesome. He was supposed to go to the treatment place but they had nobody to check him in till Monday so he is staying here till then and I am so happy. I have enjoyed every second. Not being able to hug him and talk to him face to face and let him hold his grand daughter has seriously hurt me every day but now he is here and he is doing awesome. He has not once done drugs nor has he tried to get any. He is mellow and just a real joy to be around unlike he used to be. My mom is even happy to have him around and that is saying something. Kaci fell in love with her grandpa. She wont let just anyone hold her she cries everytime Brandons parents hold her and if any stranger holds her but not dad. She has never even seen him and she went in his arms and smiled the whole time she even cried when he handed her back to me she wanted him to carry her around wal-mart. I love it. Thanksgiving was amazing. The first holiday I have had my daddy with me in 3 years ! Life is amazing.

Gonna go lay next to Brandon and snuggle with him and Kaci.

I have no words.

Last night was simply...I have no words for it. I will warn you right now I may go into some details that are gross so ahead of time don't read if you get queasy easy. 3 days ago I started cramping it was time for my period so I assumed thats what it was. I started bleeding but something was different. It was not my normal kind of period and thats all I will say about it because I don't want to go into grave detail. Well the bleeding stopped but my cramping didn't by last night. I was in a little pain then all of the sudden it got worse. I had a sudden onset of MASSIVE stabbing pains and I threw up twice so mom said it was time to go to the ER around 3 a.m. I got there I automatically assumed it was another cyst rupturing since I am prone to them. They got me back there gave me the pain med and nausea meds and then did an ultrasound. What the nurse came in to tell me next was a shock. She came in and said did they tell you that you're pregnant? I said WHAT !????? No I can't be pregnant and then she stopped and said "oh, wait...you WERE pregnant." Now I was confused. She start explaining that I have something called a Blighted Ovum its a type of miscarriage. To shorten it I have the gestational sac that was meant to carry the baby but the baby never started growing. From what she told me it was my bodys way of telling me that something would have been wrong with the baby had it grown so my body automatically terminated it. She offered a D&C but I opted against it since she said its more than likely I would pass it on my own within the next few days and lo and behold this afternoon when I woke up from the drug induced coma they had me in I was gushing blood and semi-clot like formations as well. I am still bleeding but I believe I passed it all now I have to go to my regular doc in a few days to check my HCG levels to make sure they are not going up but they said they were 99.9% sure I was having a miscarriage and I knew I was today when I woke up. I have no clue why I am so upset over losing something I never knew I had. It's not like I needed another child right now or even wanted one but it still hurts somehow. I know there was never actually a baby inside there...but I am still sad. I came home and snuggled up to my daughter and held her as tight as I could. I know it wasn't God's plan obviously. It wasn't meant to be. Brandon and I both don't exactly know how to feel or think at this point but we are alright. He is being there for me and thats all I need. My mom was upset she knows that we aren't ready for another child but it brought back old memories for her cause she has 3 miscarriages when she was my age so she was upset but thankful that God's plan was done. I just needed to get this out...I have loads of homework to do so I have to get off here. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts ahead of time.
Brittany<3

Wordless Wednesday...

Not Me Monday!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


So this week I most certainly did not watch Maury and cry my eyes out during the entire show. Only some super pathetic person would cry over fathers denying their children and lie detector test results really !!! This week I also did not do my entire weeks homework for school on accident thinking that was just one nights homework. No, never because crazy people do a weeks worth of homework in one night on accident !!! I also did not break my 100 dollar printer today and go to wal-mart and buy a 40 dollar printer only to find that it was TEN TIMES better than my old one that was alot more money. Today, I also did not buy a hamburger and large chili cheese tot from sonic to only come home and not eat but a bite off the hamburger and one tater tot and decide I really didn't want that. Nope, cause nobody would be that wasteful (hubby ended up eating it so it didn't go to waste).

When will it end...

I can't do this. I am tired of sitting here day in and day out and holding it in. For the sake of those around me I hold it all in. I hold every single emotion I possibly can in...but right now I am losing it. I am losing it all. My mind is running a million miles a minute and I find it hard to breath. There is an elephant sitting on my chest...I hate feeling sorry for myself but right now my eyes are so tired from crying and my heart is heavy. Without going into details...My father is of course back in jail if I haven't already mentioned that. He gets out November 25th and has nowhere to go and I don't want him here. There is a half-way house willing to let him stay there but he wants nothing to do with it. He says its cause they treat him like a criminal...well he is..but I know why he doesn't want to stay there. They wont let him take drugs and I know thats exactly what he wants when he gets out. The first thanksgiving in 3 years that I would get to spend with him and he is probably going to be high...as usual. On top of that my husband and I...tonight we had it out. I am so tired of hurting. Its always about him. I am in this house day in and day out and I clean and cook and take care of our child and run errands AND go to school at night. All I ask is for a little appreciation for what I do. He thinks I do nothing. He thinks I merely sit on my butt all day and somehow all that stuff takes care of itself. I appreciate him going to work everyday for us but that does not mean he can not be a father to his child. He looks at spending time with his child as babysitting I think. Thats the way he makes me feel. He yelled at me today because I had the worst migraine in the world and he was off work and I asked him to watch Kaci while I took so tylenol and took a short nap because he knew I had not slept the night before...and he was angry because the Vikings were playing and he wanted to sit in front of the tv and not be "bothered" by me or Kaci. Is it that hard to watch tv and take care of your child? Its funny I do it day in and day out and guess what if she needs more attention from me and the tv is taking up that attention she needs I turn it off because thats what you do...you make sacrifices for your child because SHE COMES FIRST !!!!!!!! We both had a part in making this baby and we both should do our part to take care of her and he think simply cause he goes to work he has to do nothing else.
On top of that my poor baby is teething. These teeth are popping up left and right and she wakes up at all hours of the night crying in pain and I can do nothing for her. I have tried tylenol and orajel and teething tablets. And she just cries. I wish it was me. I want to take all her pain and put it on myself. And on top of all this I am going to school. Yes I am going online but it is stressful and suprisingly very hard work especially when you have been out of school for 2 years and don't remember anything. And to top all that off I am not sleeping. I toss and turn and I cant fall asleep. When I finally just knock out from pure exhaustion Kaci wakes up and is crying. Needless to say I am just...tired. I look in the mirror and I have huge bags under my eyes. I cry day in and day out and all I want is to lock myself in a room and shut out the world. I want a friend...but I have none. Well, I have none here. My best friend is in the hospital in Louisiana and I pray for her constantly and I miss her...she is the only person I have besides my mom as a friend. This is all just to much for me to handle. I am going to go lay in bed and cry myself to sleep again. I apologize if I sound stupid and I am feeling sorry for myself. I have alot on me right now and nobody else to listen to me....

Oh my goodness...

My child has a tooth. Well she has one tooth that has fully poked through and has one right next to it almost poked through so make that almost 2 teeth. The middle ones right on the bottom. My little stinker wouldn't let me grab a picture of them she barely will let me touch them. I can tell she has been majorly grumpy lately and I knew it had to be her teeth so I just popped my finger in there the other night and on the bottom I felt how swollen it was right there. It felt like her gums were full of fluid kind of so the next day I was giving her some tylenol and it ran out of her mouth so I used my finger to put it back in and WOAH !!! I felt a sharp little edge on the bottom !! I couldn't believe it. I cried. I smiled. I had a huge mix of emotions.
Then last night my husband and I decided to go see 2012 I had a bad feeling it was going to scare me but in all honesty it didn't scare me I cried the whole movie because all I thought about was my daughter and how I don't appreciate the days that I do have on this earth with her. That movie as incredible !! But, at the same time I know will scare millions of people thinking that those things are going to happen and I really don't believe it. My Lord will come get us before he ever let anything like that happen. But, what it did show was just terrible. Very realistic I couldn't believe some of the things I saw. But, I did come out with an appreciation for my life more. I plan to not only live each day like it were my last but to live a better life completely.
But, anyways my dear little snuggle bunny is napping so I think I am gonna go cuddle up to her. She is my wittle angel.

It's days like this....

Yep its been one of those days. My aunt Lorie died on Friday. She overdosed. I had not seen her in 2 years but I still am very sad. I loved her to death when I got to see her. Every Christmas she would tell me how much more beautiful I had gotten since the year before. She lived a few hours away so it was always hard to get to see her and my family over there very often. Her visitation was tonight. My mother and I tackled the hard task of getting Kaci in the car and driving a few hours to the funeral home to pay our respects. Kaci did surprisingly well in the car. The funeral home was a different story. Kaci screamed when anyone but me and mom held her. But, ya know some babies are just like that. Some of my family made me feel bad and said that I was gonna be really sorry that I let her get so "spoiled". Ya know I think thats a load of crap. Just because my baby doesn't want to be held by random strangers she isn't used to. She is my little princess and I am gonna parent her as I see fit and that doesn't include letting 50 million random people hold her and breath germs and everything on her while she screams and just let her scream until she is used to people... Sorry if that bothers them but I just won't.
Anyways...It just hasn't been a great weekend. More father drama as usual...but I won't bore you with my problems.
If you have checked out MckMamas Blog recently you would have noticed that little baby Stellan had his 2nd ablation today. He made it through spectacularly and is SVT FREE !!! If you are not familiar with his story please go over and read from the beginning trust me. I have been following her for a while now but just last night I actually went all the way to the beginning and read through her pregnancy with him and birth and all the struggles with his SVT and first ablation. She is such a strong woman. Please go read if you have a chance the story truley shows God's work and how he can create miracles. Her son Stellan is a true miracle just my like sweet baby is.
Also I had a nice little surprise in my mail today. I forgot to mention that I won a contest on my friend Jessica Blog and I got 3 hairbows for Kaci when she has enough hair !!! They are so cute I will put pics up of them later but I am so thankful I won the contest !! Thank you very much Jessica. And while Jessica is my friend IRL I really guessed the correct answer she did not give me any hints nor tell me. I just remembered her mentioning she loves Candy corn pumpkins lol.
Well, I am gonna go lay down next to my 2 favorite people.
Hope you guys are doing well.
OH P.S. !!!! I AM STARTING SCHOOL WEDNESDAY TO BECOME A MEDICAL ASSISTANT !!!!!!!!!!!!
My first 2 classes this semester are Academic strategies for the healthcare professional and Medical law and bioethics. They some hard so we will see. I have to maintain a "C" average to keep my financial aid so wish me luck !
I will leave you with a photo of my gorgeous daughter just cause I like to show her off in all her beauty.

Letters to Kaci...

Dear my turtle,
Yes that is right. You have a new nickname. You acquired this new name because when you wake up lately I will come in the room and you have your head just kinda popped up and you look like a little turtle poking its head out of its shell. Its the sweetest thing in the world. I can't believe you are already 6 months old ! Where did time go my angel? It seems just yesterday I was in the hospital having you and then you were in Vanderbilt having your surgery and now here you are. A half a year old. Its definitely bittersweet to me. I love and hate watching you grow up. Today we were in the floor doing our daily rolling around on the carpet exercise and you got up on 4's and scooted from one end of the room to the other. You didnt crawl you scooted but its a work in progress. You are doing wonderful my baby. We have been doing baby food for a few weeks now. You love and hate some of it. So far sweet potatoes are number 1 and number 2 has been carrots. You officially hate peas and green beans and the Vegetable turkey dinner (which I don't blame you). You were on the fence about Macoroni and cheese but you dont really seem that into it so we have stopped that. Of course your still drinking your formula but you are just not going through one big can in 2 days now haha. Your now sitting up so good on your own. Your still wobbly sometimes and fall over occasionally but for the most part you sit up by yourself. You have developed what I believe to be baby acne or some sort of rash from drooling so much. You go to the doctor for you 6 month check-up this week so hopefully Dr. Little will be able to tell me if that is in fact what it is and what we can do about it because Auntie Jessica will be coming soon and wants to do your pictures and we can't very well have you covered in that stuff. I love you so much my angel. Mommy is very tired right now so I gotta go lay next to you.

Half a year old??

Really? No way !!!!!! My daughter is 6 months old today...Bittersweet. While I enjoy watching her grow and watching the new things she does...I hate that it goes so fast. What happened to my sweet little baby whole really did nothing but sleep and eat and poop lol Now she is such a character !! I love her so much. Happy half year birthday my angel. I hope you enjoyed watching the Michael Jackson movie with mommy and mimi tonight cause you sure acted like you did. I am gonna go lay in bed next to you and daddy. I love you my little turtle !

Happy Halloween.

My daughters first Halloween...

Wow

I just realized my last post was my 100th post ! Go me !

So in other news I have had a good day and a terrible day. Good news first. I registered for school ! I am officially a college student now !!!! YES !!! I got my financial aid which I recieved the Pell Grant and I get 3,000 a semester. I also took out 2 student loans one for 3,000 and another for 5,000 and that is all I should have to do as of now. I am enrolled to get my Associates in Medical Assisting !! Thats right I am gonna be in the medical field. My LIFELONG dream has been to be in the medical field and help people. I plan to finish school and get a job and once I shave down some of my student loans I will go back to school to get my RN !!! I am gonna be a nurse ! I am just way to happy for words. I finally feel as is life is falling into place. I am exactly where God wants me to be and I couldn't be any happier. I am truley blessed.

Okay now the not so good part. Well truley it is just showing more of the blessings God has given me and my friend so its not bad just brought up so bad memories.

My friend Sydni(she used to be my best friend in High school) Recently gave birth to her son Mason. He was born 5 weeks early and was 5 pounds and 19 and a half inches long. At 2 days old Mason was found with his abdomen completely swollen...and for those who have followed me in my journey with my daughter you know exactly why his abdomen was swollen. Thats right he had exactly what my daughter had. He had blockages in his intestines otherwise known as Intestinal Malrotation. My mind became flooded at the words I was reading as she told me through text messaging what her little boy had went through. At 2 days old he had his surgery and is now in the NICU having the green bile pulled off his belly. As you know this all happened to my daughter. My heart is overwhelmed. I have cried for her and Mason and her fiance all day. This hit me like a ton of bricks...I know what she is feeling. I can still to this day remember having the doctor come in and tell me the news...and I can remember the numbness but seemingly overwhelming feeling at that moment. I remember seeing my daughter hooked up to IVs and monitors...I remember falling to my knees and asking God why...why my baby? Why my family? I remember resenting God for a split second but then realizing that he pulled her through it and it is because of him that my daughter is alive and well today. The feeling of being so helpless...Watching my daughter day in and day out not being able to eat when all she wanted to do was eat. Watching green,brown, and yellow bile being pulled off her stomach and having a doctor tell me that if this had gone another week...I dont know if your daughter would still be alive...The tears just keep coming. These are not things that I like the think about. Though I love the fact that my daughter life so far is a testimony for people to show how amazing God is. I guess I just hate being flooded with the firs tmonth of my daughters life being so scary. Leaving the hospital with an empty carseat is a feeling NO MOTHER she ever have to feel. It is heart wrenching and there were days I didnt want to get out of bed I didnt want to wake up but I had to be strong for her and now look at us...My daughter is the light of my life. She is healthy and beautiful and SMART and just down right amazing !!!

So since I forgot to write your letter today...here is to you my miracle. That is exactly what you are! You saved mommys life and your the best thing to EVER happen to me. I love you my sweet angel!

From this...



To this...




YOU are the true definition of a miracle !

Not Me Monday!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week I certainly did not sit my child down on the couch only to find that I sat her head right down on my digital camera and now she has a tiny bruise on her head...not me cause only a terrible mommy would do that !!!
I also did not have to pee so bad today and my child wasn't screaming so loud that I decided to take her in there with me while I pee and let her sit on my lap as I do so...nope I would NEVER do that because that is just weird right?
I also did not totally cry like a huge baby when my cheerleaders won 1st place in every category and took grand champion...no of course I didnt because that would make me a complete sissy and a total loser !!!
I also did not get my daughters ears pierced because everyone kept thinking she was boy...not this mommy no sireeee I would not do that !! (but as a side note she looks BEAUTIFUL).

So theres my not me monday ! :)

I am such a bad blogger !!

I forgot to write my weekly letter to Kaci on Tuesday!! *bad mommy* but here it is...late but still awesome !

Dear my little tater tot,

This week has been a crazy one. You have spent pretty much every waking minute with your mommy. I have enjoyed EVERY single second of it. Daddy hasn't had a day off in almost 2 weeks now so you have missed him but he will get a day off soon and he has already promised to let mommy get a much needed day to sleep in !! Ahhh I cannot wait. But, I have enjoyed it just being me and you. We have had some adventures the past few days. Mommy has went to the social security office twice this week once to get your SS card and another to get her one with her NEW name on it. Yes mommy and daddy have been married a year and mommy just now changed her name legally ! Gosh mommy is just scatter brained but you knew that. I took you shopping the past few days as well. Today I let you pick out some toys. We got you a new banky that has a giraffe on it and you named him Ralph and I got you your first doll and her name is Betty. I also got you some neat little letters to put on the bath tubs walls and spell out things. I figured it would be something fun you and mommy can do together since you love bath time. I also bought you a big girl bath tub this week. This makes mommy very sad that you are getting big enough to be in a bath tub that you can sit up in. Your tub is a pink inflatable duck *big duck duck* and you can squeeze the beak and he quacks !! You were very hesitant at first the way you are with every new thing but you have grown to like it alot more lately. I am so happy that you like it. Well my darling...mommy has to get up early tomorrow. Its gonna be the first day all week and that I dont get to be with you that much. Mommy has cheerleading competition so I will be gone most of the afternoon but I promise as soon as its over I will quickly be home to you !!! I think you and MiMi may come so perhaps we wont have to be apart that much !! I love you my baby.
Mommy<3

Wordless Wednesday...

Best night EVER !!

Yes tonight was amazing... well its past midnight so yesterday was the best day ever !!! I haven't had this much fun in so long. I saw Dane Cook do his comedy show at the Sommet Center in Nashville. It was awesome. I went with my lovely best friend Stacie. She is 20 weeks pregnant and tomorrow is her birthday well today is her birthday so it was special. I was supposed to go with my mom but we couldn't find anyone to babysit Kaci and mom didnt really wanna walk around that big place anyways so she let Stacie buy the ticket from her ! Well we get there and we are in section 106 which we were not far from the stage but we werent close then all of the sudden this random dude that worked there came up to us and asked us if we wanted to go sit in the front row right next to the stage for free !!!! I was like uh YEA but whats the catch...the only thing was we couldnt get up and pee or anything the whole show but I was willing to not do that to sit down there...well we were within touching distant of Dane Cook. I could have litterally reached out and touched him ! It was amazing. I did miss my Kaci though. But, it was nice to have a night out. I got me a hoodie. It was 60 bucks but I wanted it. Its so cute it has Dane Cook on the back and it has the SU-FI logo on the front !! I love it ! But anyways I just had to update on my AMAZING night !
Brittany<33

95th post !!!

Sooooo this is my 95th post !! 5 more posts and we hit the big 100 woohooo !! I don't know why I am excited but I am. I wish I had some cool thing to give away and I wish I had enough readers to actually even do something like that. But I don't so I guess it will be like any other post. Or maybe I will do something special for it I dunno.
Either way not to much is going on lately. I am stressed to the max. I coach cheerleading and my girls are just not doing well at all. We have 3 more practices till competition and we are no where near ready. All our stunts keep falling and it just looks terrible. I will be glad when its over but sad at the same time. I have grown very close to the girls. We have so much fun together it makes me feel younger again. My favorite is a girl named Hannah she is so much like me its sad. I call her my little mini me.
In other news I go see Dane Cook tomorrow night ! YES oh YES I am excited. Though I am sad cause mom cant go with me cause we couldnt find anyone that could watch Kaci. Brandon has to work early so he couldnt stay up with her. He has been working all week. He hasnt had a day off in forever and wont get a day off for like 2 more weeks !!! I miss him so much. I feel like we never see each other anymore. Ill be glad when grand opening happens and he gets on his normal schedule. 3 days on 3 days off. Ill like that. Maybe we can actually go and do something romantic. He is so amazing.
Anyways I got nothing else so I will leave you with a pic of me and my hunny.

Letters to Kaci Week 3...

Before I start the letter I must apologize for not posting this week. It has been so hectic and I just haven't had the opportunity. I apologize.

Dear Kaci,

Hello my love. This week was not the best. On wednesday October 7 I sat you in your bouncer like I always do on the table and I was playing with you. I wasn't thinking and I walked into the next room to pee and when I was walking back around the corner to you and I saw you falling from the table...as I ran to catch you you smiled at me and I couldnt get there in time and you hit the floor. You didnt hit hard and you didnt get hurt or anything...You did scream because it scared you...I took you to the ER just to make sure everything was fine...You were great you were smiling and laughing by the time the doc came in he kept you there for an hour to make sure no sign or symptoms popped up. They didn't of course and you were fine...but it scared me. I had a panic attack and thought I was gonna lose it. I tried to keep it together but it was hard. I hated thinking something could've happened to you and it might have been my fault...but everything was fine. Thank God !! If anything would have happened to you my angel...I do not know what I would do. You are my life. You have been especially clingy to your mommy all week. Not that I minded of course. I love cuddling with you. This week we also recently started putting you in the tub by yourself instead of bathing with mommy...you love it and get to splash around but don't think that mommy wanted to do that...It was just time cause you were getting so big..you were kicking mommy very hard and you wanted to splash around so this was the only option. You seem to enjoy it...I just feel like your growing up so fast...right in front of my eyes :( I dont like it but you are just the most amazing baby on the planet !!! Also, mommy had to take Mimi to Vanderbilt to get some more tests run Friday and you stayed with Aunt Janie...it was great. You did so wonderful. I came home and you were just happy as can be. Well my darling I don't really have much more. You are napping right now and I think I will go lay next to you and cuddle before we have to go to Cheerleading. I love you my sweet baby.

Mommy<3

Letters to Kaci once again...

Dear my Kaci,
This week has been wonderful. Each day you never cease to amaze me with your amazingness. This week has been a little weird tummy wise...Mommy got a stomach flu :( I had a fever for almost 24 hours and Mimi and Daddy wouldn't let me go anywhere near you. Thank heavens for them I don't know where I would be without them. Also your daddy is a silly head and got the wrong can of formula when he went to get you some. He got the same brand but you eat the Nestle Good Start in the green can and he got the orange can. He opened it so we couldnt swap it so we tried it out and it apparently messed with your reflux because everytime you drank it you would spit up like 4 times afterwards...So mommy made a special trip today to buy you the right formula and you havent spit up anymore. You little body needs the special kind and I don't mind at all ever going out of my way to make sure your not unhappy. You laughed yesterday out loud. I will include the videos at the end of this letter. Your laugh is the sweetest thing in the whole world. It gets more and more sweet the more you do it. You are getting so big. You turned 5 months on the 1st of October and I cried on that day...Not that you arent the most amazing baby in the whole world...I just want you to stay a baby. I don't want you to get bigger...With every new day we realize new things about you and your growing SO fast...Your definitely not my little small bunny anymore you are about 17 pounds now and gosh your just beautiful. I will never be able to explain my love for you my baby. My sweet baby...there isn't much more to say. This week was pretty uneventful. Just me and you most of the time. I love you with all my heart and I am gonna go lay in bed next to you now.

Let me just have a moment...

I must explain in this blog that I have an amazing husband. Ya know...things get rocky sometimes but it always comes back to me and him and the fact that I just can't live without him. I look at him and see that smile then I look at my daughter and she has that same smile...it warms my heart. Ya know what kills me? That I was such a whore in high school...okay well I wasn't a whore...actually compared to some of my friends I was a SAINT !! But, point here is I slept with a few guys. A few meaning 6...6 people before my husband. Its not a whole lot especially compared to some people but its 6 more than I wanted. My number 7 should have been my number 1. Ya get it? Our wedding night...was special. But I think about how much more amazing it would have been if we had waited for each other. I truley believe God puts us on this earth and he already knows who we are meant to be with. He formulated Brandon and I to be made for each other...and I wish I would have waited for him. Gosh I just wanna beat myself up for this everyday cause everytime we make love I wish I didn't know what being with other men was like. NOT that my husband is bad in bed...he is THE BEST I have ever had lol but thats another story. I just wish I didn't sleep around like I did. Even if we hadn't waited till our wedding night I wish we would've just waited to meet each other and be each others first...It kills me. And to see all these people sleeping around and having "booty calls" makes me sick now. I didnt do the "booty call" thing everyone I slept with I cared about in some sort of way it was never just about sex. But, there are people I know who have like 3 or 4 people the screw around with. Maybe not have full blown sex with but they screw this guy and get oral from this one...and its just really gross. But, thats another story also...I guess my point is...I love Brandon. *sigh* I was laying in the bed with him just a second ago and he just turned over and put his arm around me and whispered in my ear that he loves me...he was fast asleep snoring 5 seconds before that. He just randomly wanted to tell me that. He is such a wonderful man. I am so freaking lucky to have him. I had a stomach flu today and he got off work early and took Kaci for the whole afternoon so I could get some rest. Who does that? An amazing man thats who. He got up and went to work at 5 this morning then left work and came home and took care of Kaci for me cause I was sick. How wonderful? I am sorry if I am rambling but gosh I just love life lately. It had really gotten SOOO wonderful ever since I got some negative things and people out of it. I love this new life that my Lord has helped me to get. And I thank HIM so much for everything he does for me. And thank HIM for the blessings. Now I will leave you with another project of mine.

Brittany<3

Sickies...

So we are all getting a cold. Brandon brought it home(thanks alot baby) he started complaining of a sore throat then his nose started running and he just felt tired all day...now I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose. Nobody has had a fever thank the lord. Hopefully Kaci wont be getting it. But, we are a buncha sickies over here I hate seeing my husband sick cause he is always so strong and amazing and lately he is just tired all the time. That is not him at all !! I hate it. I dont really mind getting sick cause well I am used to it. I have a very weak immune system and if something is going around rest assured I will get it and so will my mom ! I hope Kaci has her daddys immune system. So far she is doing great so I am hoping and praying she doesnt get it. Its hard enough to watch her when she gets her shots but if she got a cold...oh gosh I would just break down lol.
I don't have much to say really just giving a quick update on me and mine.
Oh I have acquired a new pet recently. He is a kitty I am not sure how old he is but he isnt very big so I would say probably 6 months to a year old. He comes to my doorstep everyday and we keep our door open during the day to let in light and we have a glass door...well everyday about 2 in the afternoon he pops his head around the corner and meows telling me he is hungry so I put some food out there for him cause I cant stand it if an animal is hungry. He is such a pretty cat. I think he likes it outside so im just gonna leave him there and keep feeding him but I have named him Larry. He has big balls so I know he is a boy lol.
My daughter really seems to like him everyday he comes to the door and meows she smiles so he is now her Kitty. Even though she already has an inside kitty named Lexi she seems to like this little guy more. But, anyways just a quick update. Hope all is well for everyone else.
Brittany<3

Its been one of those days...

My life has been great lately. Today was going fine then 2 girls had to go and start drama and TRY to ruin the string of good days I am having. But ya know what I am proud of myself. I held my ground and stood up for myself. I didn't let them get to me and I feel great about the situation now. The only thing that slightly got me upset was being called a bad mother and finding out that this girl said my OWN MOTHER said I was a bad mom...YEA RIGHT. My mother would never say that and my mom is actually ROYALLY pissed cause this girl lied on her. My mom told me yes, I made a mistake but its done with and all the parties involved and the ones that weren't involved in the beginning but want to get in it..need to grow up and get lives. I mean seriously who sits at their house and thinks oh lets call Brittany and let me listen in and see if she says anything about me...You know who does that?? High schoolers... OH WAIT...Middle schoolers. My cheerleaders are more mature than that lol. But, back on subject I thought for a second...Am I a bad mother? I talked to my friend Jessica and asked her and I told her to be blunt. And she says Im not...she is right I need to speak up to my daughters doctor more but I let the whole doctor thing intimidate me lol. But its like Jess said I notice things when they are different in Kaci. I noticed when she wasnt eating when she got home from the hospital I knew something was wrong. And just the past 2 days i noticed Kaci is pooping alot more...If I didnt take care of my daughter how would I have noticed these things? I wouldn't have. And then I talked to my mom and mom said I am a great mother. No, im not perfect but hey who is really? The person who is accusing me of this isnt a perfect mother either so I don't know why she judges me. I feel like she is kinda mad cause I have a husband and mom to help me out. Its like she resents me for not doing this on my own. I am doing it the right way im married. I have a husband who is amazing. We have ups and downs but I was honest with him about alot of things and we worked through it and because of this whole situation we are so much stronger together. I don't know what else I can do about the situation. My mom says I dont pawn my daughter off on her...here lately she has came to me a few times and said Brittany can I rock Kaci?? lol its funny. Mom enjoys being with Kaci...but so do I and here lately its been just me and her. She goes to cheerleading with me and sleeps with me and Brandon at night more...She was napping in moms bed at night for about 3 hours but that has stopped. Mom actually came in about an hour ago and asked if Kaci could sleep with her tonight lol. I let her cause Kaci brings so much joy to mom. But, she is gonna call me when Kaci wakes up so I can get up with her instead of her cause mom needs to rest. Life is just steady been getting better since the whole situation happened...I dont think thats coincidence ya know ? I wish no harm on these girls but I just dont wish to have them in my life anymore...We are better off without each other.
Well I am so sore from cheerleading we made up the competition dance and you gotta do like squats and knee spins and everything in it and I did it like 50 million times tonight so I am about ready to just topple over lol. I am gonna go get in bed with the hubs and enjoy the few hours I have in my bed without being squished in between Kaci and Brandon even though I wouldnt want to be squished between ANY other people lol.

<3Brittany

New Ideas...

So I have decided that since this blog is sort of like a way for me to keep up with Kaci's growings and new things she does every week I will write her a letter in here. I mean I have been doing this since I was 11 weeks pregnant with her and plan to keep going for a while and when she is older I will get it published for her so she can see what all mommy went through while pregnant with her and when she was born and beyond. I know I randomly write letters to her on here but now this is set goal of mine to write her a letter every week since she is doing such new things lately. So here goes...

Dear My Kaci,

This week you have been especially adorable. I don't know why but you seem to be acting shy around people you don't recognize. You have a new smile...that is just as amazing as your regular smile. You melt mommys heart everytime you shoot that cute little grin her way. Mommy was in the hospital last night with a kidney stone and a kidney infection so when mommy got home from the hospital daddy let mommy rest and you and him spent all day together on his day off. You really are starting to enjoy daddy. You were somewhat apprehensive at first because he works alot and isn't home with you as much and mommy and mimi are. But, it had gotten better and you now smile when you hear his voice. It makes daddy so happy. I can really tell he loves you so much. We switched you to size 3 diapers this week. The size 2's fit but they seemed a bit tight so I figured its best for you to be comfy. The 3' fit perfectly and they dont seem to be cutting off circulation in your big ol' thighs hehe. You went to cheerleading practice with mommy tonight and lets just say that didn't go very well. You didn't want mommy to put you down (I don't think you ever want me to honestly) and all the girls seemed to huddle around you and scared you. So you were cranky but we made it through. On the way home mommy had to pull over on the side of the road and get you out of your carseat and rock you to sleep because you were screaming so loud that you were choking yourself. You were so tired and restless. But we made it through. I am wondering really what is gonna happen on October 17th when mommy and mimi go see Dane Cook. Daddy doesnt feel comfortable staying with you by himself at night since you seem to get very cranky at night and only want mommy. So I am still a little worried. I am sure I will figure something out though. Well my love I think that is all for this week. I am going to go lay down in bed with you and daddy. I love you so much my angel.


<3 Mommy

Update on my mommy and other things...

Mom went to Vanderbilt today. I guess we got...news? They did another CT scan to see if it was in fact her gallbladder. If it is...we are out of luck. Since she has liver cancer stage 4 she NEEDS her gallbladder whether it is inflamed or not its better for her to have it in than out...The doctor told her point blank her liver would shut down while she was on the operating table. So lets pray its not her gallbladder. Her spleen and pancreas are also enlarged...not sure what we are gonna do about this yet. At this point her liver is still functioning...its functioning very slow and not the best it could be but its still working. So we are taking it one day at a time. She is gonna keep going routinely to get her levels checked and if it gets the the point where she is getting so bad she needs a new liver...we will be moving to Florida to get closer to the mayo clinic so when they have her new liver we can be there within a an hour or so instead of like 6 hours. So i may be moving to Florida within the next few years...but not permanently. Mom just has to have a caretaker living with her down there. They pay for her a place to live and everything. Please just pray for her. It would be greatly appreciated !
In other news Kaci is still amazing. We had a day to ourselves today. Mom was at Vanderbilt and Brandon was at work so it was me and Kaci in the house all day by ourselves ! I loved it. We played and laughed and napped and cuddled. It was nice. I love her so much !
Anyways...Just wanted to update. Things are going okay. Also, I stay up all night last night scaring the hell out of myself reading about what is "supposed" to happen in 2012...
Love you guys !
Brittany<3

I got nothing...

I was trying to think of something really neat and interesting to write about today in my blog but alas...I got nothing. It has been far to normal around my house lately and its kinda weirded me out. I have gotten over the issues I wrote about last blog. I no longer run through my mind every few minutes thinking about it. I can't do it to myself. It's not fair for me to live like that when I feel like I did something that was right.
Anyways, Kaci is getting big. I can't believe my little 7 lb baby is already 16 lbs. Where did it go? Where did my baby go? She used to just be a blob. She would sleep and eat and poop. Now she laughs,rolls,talks,sticks her tongue out,kisses her mommy, sits up on her own, jumps in her jumperoo....I could go on and on about how much she has changed. I don't like it. I understand now why women get pregnant again so soon after having a baby...you miss the baby !!!! I feel like I blinked and she is already almost 5 months old. I guess I did miss the first 3 weeks of her life cause she was in Vanderbilt. I still can't believe all that happened. My little baby has already been through more in her life then some people go through their whole lives. Its crazy to me.
But, like I said I dont have much to say. I am not feeling well at all today so I am gonna go lay down with my little Jellybean !
Brittany<3

New beginnings ?

My husband and I had a huge fight over the past few days....in matter of 3 days we went from happily married to seperated and talking about divorce. I hate it. I really do. I thought for the longest time that I as unhappy with him. I even talked to an ex boyfriend who actually tried to get me to leave brandon for him...and I think I actually thought about it.
But then last night happened. We fought,we argued, we cried, and we made up. Just those few days without him laying next to me in the bed...killed me. Granted he was int he living room he wasnt in my arms...where he belongs. I'm slowly realizing its not him im unhappy with...its myself...and my problems. Him and Kaci are the only 2 good things I have going for me right now. I need him. It's not a fact of wanting him anymore I realized last night I need him. He is the other half of my heart...he is my smile...my laugh...my love.
Without him I am only half a person. I know it sounds stupid and cliche' but thats how I feel...I feel like if there is such a thing as a soulmate he is mine. He was put on this earth and made by God especially for me. And all the other losers before him were just good place holders until the real thing showed up and swept me off my feet.
And then he gave me the other piece of my heart. The part that walks outside my body...well she doesnt walk yet....but she rolls outside my body right now. She smiles and laughs and says "mama" and she is the reason I wake up in the mornings. She is my entire reason for existence. When I hold her in my arms and she looks into my eyes I know there is a God...there has to be to have created something so perfect and gave it me. I believed in love at first sight as soon and she came into my life. Out of each and every one of my imperfections I created perfection. I love her...with my whole heart and soul.
Brittany<3

I'm not ready for this ....

My mom sat me down to talk today about what to do once she dies. She doesn't want to be cremated. She also told me that before she dies she is going to get very sick. Probably so sick that she doesn't want me to see her. So she says she is going to go live in Smyrna with my aunt so she can take care of her till she goes.
I'm not ready for this. I am 20 years old I am not ready to lose her. I don't want to do this. I can't do this I am not strong enough to do this. I have been breaking down ever since she talked to me about it. I AM NOT READY !!!
It's not fair.
I can't do this.
Please God...Someone...help me.
I am losing it.
Brittany<3

Sooner or later...

I knew that I would get tired of it. I knew that I would eventually let people run over me one to many times and I would snap...Now is the time. I will not go into details but my "best friend" does this to me all the time and then apologizes a few days later and thinks that makes up for treating me like crap. I am done now. She has her issues and claims I wasnt there for her but I have issues of my own. I had a daughter running a fever all day and my mom couldnt get out of bed today due to her gallbladder hurting her like crazy. I begged her to go to the hospital and she wouldn't. Well in the midst of all this I forgot to call Chloe. Ya know I have other things on my mind as well and calling her was not at the top of the list. I am tired of it. I hate this...
To top it off my dad is back in jail...awesome.
FML

Oh gosh...

My child got her shots yesterday and she was so cranky. She woke up this morning with a slight fever so its been a hectic 2 days. Along with that ... My cousin Ashley who I coach cheerleading with said some very hurtful things to me cause I couldnt come to the game cause Kaci was riunning a fever and just wanted to be held BY ME ! nobody else could calm her down. She called me basically a bad mother and that I was just looking for an excuse to get out of the game. Need I remind you that she didnt come to the game last week because she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend and she wasnt gonna come this weekend because she was going to Kentucky Kingdom. After she borrowed 20 dollars from me cause she didnt have any money to last her till she got paid again but she has ennough to pay for gas to go to kentucky and stuff...I dont get it. So I am thinking I will probably go to practice monday and tell the girls bye myself and then leave...cause I can't go on like that with her treating me like crap because my child isn't feeling well. Kaci comes first PLAIN AND SIMPLE she doesnt understand cause she doesnt have a child.
So thats pretty much ruined my entire weekend. To top all the off my ovary hurts still. So I am just not having a good day today.
Please jsut pray I find the strength to get through all this.
Brittany<3

A is for Active and B is for Bunny...

My friend Jessica saw this on Mamabears blog and has started doing this with her. I think it is a wonderful thing and just another way to keep up a sort of scrap book for my amazing baby. We will be working our way through the alphabet. Last week they started A and I missed that and this week is B so I am just combining them.



So here we go. A is for Active.
My little angel has been so crazy lately. I remember just yesterday when she was a few weeks old and she just slept and ate and pooped and peed. That was it. Nowadays we take 1 3 hours nap in the middle of the day and two 30 minute naps and thats it...the rest of the day she is awake. We play and she giggles and jumps in her jumperoo as you saw in my post with the video. I can't believe she is 4 months old. Tomorrow is her 4 month appointment. She was originally supposed to be getting 5 shots but thanks to my wonderful best friend Jess she will only be getting 2. The DTaP and Hep B. The other will be given at later dates. She WILL BE getting every vaccine they will just be spaced out to 2 shots every 2 months. Except the rotavirus which I have read causes intestines to rotate and we all know I have ever reason to be a little leary about this.



And now B is for Bunny.
Why bunny? You might ask...well here goes. Brandon and I have called each other bunnies since we got together.. I have no clue where it came from or why its so special to us but thats what we call each other in the place of baby lol. Well when we had Kaci she became our baby bunny. And thats one of her nicknames now. Its just something special between us.

I'll learn how to make the pictures from Jess tomorrow hopefully.
Hope ya'll enjoy.
Brittany<3

I'm never good enough...

I feel this way. It hurts alot. In my life I have had so many people come in and out of my life...nobody seems to wanna stick around. I have stuck by my friend for 2 years while she had not left the house. I would travel the 45 minutes from my apartment to her house and sit with her all day long just because she didn't want to be alone but she had anxiety so bad that she couldn't go past her driveway. Now, she is starting to leave the house not very far but she goes places. And now that she does...I have kinda been put on the back burner. I feel like I was just a nice place holder until she could start getting out then she can hang with the other people that wouldn't stick by her or who weren't there. It used to be all like oh Brittany you wanna come hang out? Now its well me and so and so are hanging out but you can come if you want...Yea I feel like I fit in real well with your skank ass friend. Thanks. And cause I have a 4 month old child that I don't want outside in the damn hot ass sun while I tan she doesn't seem to wanna hang out either. She says I stay in the house to much... well I love being in my home. I am not a fan of the outdoors especially when it comes to my 4 month old daughter sweating and crying the whole time wanting to go inside. I can't just beat my child half to death when she cries. She has every reason to cry...she is hot and wants to go inside. Out side she can get ate up with bugs and everything. I'm sorry I sound like a whiner but gosh I just needed to vent. I'm tired of having friends for a while then they find something better and out I go. I think I am a good friend. I am loyal and I love all my friends. They know they can come talk to me about anything. But, here I am might as well be friendless...The only person who shows any interest in being my friend anymore is Jessica...and she is a million miles away. I guess I'm just destined to be alone. This is ridiculous I need to shut up...I'm just so tired its 3:30 in the morning and I need to go to sleep but I am up stressing to the max about nothing obviously.

I'm just stupid.
Brittany<3

Dear Ovary...

Please stop hurting !! lol

Okay so I have a cyst on my ovary...yay me. I got one when I was pregnant but it went away and haven't heard anything from it since. Now I have one on my left ovary. It hurts. I ended up in the ER the other night for severe pain and they gave me morphine...wow I was gone. Then they sent me home saying there was nothing they could really do except give me pain pills and send me on my way. So thats just what they did. They gave me a few percocet...now when you have to take 2 of those a day just to help the pain go away 12 do not last very long at all. So now I gotta go to the doctor tomorrow to get yet again more pain pills... not that I don't love pain pills (im not a junkie lol but hey who doesnt like the feeling?) but I wish something else could be done...it hurts bad and my mom had one rupture when she was my age and she almost died. I'm scared of having the same outcome or possibly worse.
But, lets not think about it. My little angel is growing so fast. She played in her jumperoo last night for 30 minutes and I videotaped her a little. She is such a funny baby. Her face when she jumps is hilarious. Hope you guys enjoy !

Click Me

3 in the morning....

I couldn't sleep so I got up and got on the net. Talking to a friend of mine I realized how quickly my priorities changed when I became a mommy. I used to go shopping and all I thought about was buying things for myself. I love spending money its one of my favorite things to do and I used to love spending it on myself. Now, I could careless whether I get new clothes... All I do is think about her. I just spent 40 bucks on pajamas for her online and I got a sling to carry her in for 50 dollars from this site. I can't wait to get them in the mail. Its gonna be like Christmas to me. I cant wait to unwrap my sling and put her in it and carry her around. We are going to the chatanooga aquarium soon and it will be perfect to carry her around in. I cant wait. Life is good.
Its nice to have a friend like Jess to talk to. We feel the same about alot of things when it comes to our children. She is an excellent mother and I value her opinion so much. I look up to her... I always have its weird. She isn't that much older than me but I seriously look up to her. She is so smart and just a WONDERFUL mom. I couldn't ask for a better friend. She calls me on my bullshit and tell me when something isn't right and doesnt critisize me about my decisions. I am so thankful she helped me get my vaxxing schedule just perfect to where I felt comfortable with it enough to talk to her pediatrician about. Before I really didn't have a plan of action I just knew I wanted to delay the vaxxing or space it out. I got Kaci her 2 month shots and all the combo shots just aren't for me. So jess helped me come up with a plan of action on how I want to do it and I really am thankful for it cause without her I would be putting stuff in my childs body without even knowing what I was putting in there. God definitely put he in my life for a reason and I can't wait til she lives closer again cause I miss her so much.
Okay now that I have gone all hallmark on ya I gotta get to bed. Night guys.
Brittany<3

One year today..

Last year on this day I saw this...


I never really posted the story of how I found out so I guess its about that time.
On September 4,2008 I woke up REALLY early. That whole week I had been feeling very nauseated but there was a stomach bug going around so I chalked it up to that. I had also been getting up really early that whole week which was unusual. I had heard that in early pregnancy your sleep patterns may change. But, anyways I woke up around 7 that morning and my mom was up getting ready for work. Brandon was still out of town. I got up and I had a sudden urge and craving for bacon and eggs. I am never hungry early in the morning so this struck me as wierd too. So mom said she would fix me some cause she makes the best eggs and bacon and toast but we didnt have any bread so I ran to the drug store right across the street. While I was there something told me to buy a pregnancy test. I figured I would take it just to put it out of my mind since I was only 2 days late which wasn't unusual. So I went home and mom fixed me the food and I forgot to take the test. I went and laid back down and took a nap and when I woke up I said what the heck I will go ahead and take it. Well I peed on it and sat it down and walked into my bedroom and walked back in and by the time I got back in there the second line had appeared. I was totally freaking out. I was home alone and I jsut saw a positive pregnancy test. I started crying and called my mom. When I got on the phone with her the convo went something like this...
Mom-"hey Brittany"
Me-"MOM !!! I NEED YOU TO COME HOME !!"
Mom-"why? whats wrong"
Me-"I just took a pregnancy test and its positive mom I think its positive !!! What do I do?"
Mom-"Your lying to me Brittany please dont be joking"
And I wasn't I jumped in my car and took off to wal-mart. When I got there the test had faded a little but you could still see it. Mom still didn't wanna get her hopes up since it was so faint. And everyone there kinda said its a bit to faint to tell so they didn't think I was. So I made an appointment with this place called the pregnancy crisis center and they could get me in that night at 6. Well, I called Brandon and he was in total shock and disbelief. He jumped in his truck and drove 3 and 1/2 hours home to come go with me. I was so sure that test was wrong I wasn't even excited for the visit. We got there and I took the test and the woman said "I see 2 lines!" And I said no you dont !! NO YOU DONT !!! OH my gosh Im gonna have a baby !!! Thank you God !!!!! I was crying so hard. I wanted a baby so bad and I was told I would have a hard time having babies so I was so happy. I came out cause Brandon couldnt go back there with me. I came out with this piece of paper and a sad look on my face and he was like oh its negative and I popped the piece of paper out and it had positive circled ! He got this huge smile on his face and hugged me. We called my mom and my mom said so give it to me gently. Brandon said well I am holding a piece of paper that say positive on it your gonna be a grandma. And she SCREAMED at the top of her lung and bawled her eyes out. She was so happy. I think she was happier than we were.
But, thats the story. its nothing extravagant but it is so important to me. I remember my feelings that day and I just cant describe the happiness I felt. So in a year we went from that positive pregnancy test to this...

She is my everything. My whole heart. The smile is the reason I wake up in the morning. Gosh I am so blessed.
Brittany<3

Sometimes there are no words...

I just saw the most horrific thing in my whole life. I am warning you this is VERY graphic so if you don't want to hear it stop reading now and don't watch the video because it has graphic images... I was on my birth board and there was a post about This video so I watched it. Its a news story about a baby girl. She would be 6 years old now. Her name was Brianna. When she was less than 6 months old her parents abused her. Not only did they abuse her. They raped her. Her uncle and father. They bit her and threw her to the ceiling and let her plop down to the ground. I have never felt so much hate for people in my whole life. Its hitting me so hard cause this little girl was around Kacis age right now. And not only that...she looks like my daughter. I looked at her face with the bruises and I saw her little face...my heart broke into a thousand pieces. She was innocent. She was perfect. She was a gift from God. And they killed her. Not only did they kill her they tortured her. There are no words left in me...I still sit here stunned and in shock that someone could do this. I hate these people. They deserve the death penalty. No that is not even good enough. They deserve the worst kind of death. But, they only got 18 years. 18 years in jail for taking the life of an innocent little baby. I am going to go cuddle with my daughter and hug her and kiss her. I just wanted to post this so everyone would remember baby Brianna. Know that she was beautiful and innocent and is now in heaven with God. And I can only hope there is a special place in hell reserved for those who hurt her.

Dane Cook

Yes thats right. My mother is the best mother in the whole world....she has bought me and her 2 tickets to his show at the Sommet Center in Nashville on October 17th !!!!!
I have been in love with him for like 4 years now and I have been dying to see him live...and now its gonna happen!! Ahhh I am so happy.
In other news...my father is in the hospital again. His legs are swelled up with fluid. I would normally be really worried about him but this is the norm. Her goes to the hospital alot for that. I am just still so upset with him...I haven't talk to him in days and I don't plan on talking to him for a few more weeks. I don't even know where to begin to start telling him how disappointed in him I am...I am so hurt.
Anyways. I just wanted to share my good news.
Quick update on Kaci...she is a mess and doing awesome !!! Teething is getting the best of her some nights she just fights her sleep...it really is hard to watch her scream cause she is so tired but she just wont go to sleep. But, then all I have to do is hand her to MiMi and she is OUT !! Its nice to know she falls asleep for someone.


Brittany<3