I have no words.

Last night was simply...I have no words for it. I will warn you right now I may go into some details that are gross so ahead of time don't read if you get queasy easy. 3 days ago I started cramping it was time for my period so I assumed thats what it was. I started bleeding but something was different. It was not my normal kind of period and thats all I will say about it because I don't want to go into grave detail. Well the bleeding stopped but my cramping didn't by last night. I was in a little pain then all of the sudden it got worse. I had a sudden onset of MASSIVE stabbing pains and I threw up twice so mom said it was time to go to the ER around 3 a.m. I got there I automatically assumed it was another cyst rupturing since I am prone to them. They got me back there gave me the pain med and nausea meds and then did an ultrasound. What the nurse came in to tell me next was a shock. She came in and said did they tell you that you're pregnant? I said WHAT !????? No I can't be pregnant and then she stopped and said "oh, wait...you WERE pregnant." Now I was confused. She start explaining that I have something called a Blighted Ovum its a type of miscarriage. To shorten it I have the gestational sac that was meant to carry the baby but the baby never started growing. From what she told me it was my bodys way of telling me that something would have been wrong with the baby had it grown so my body automatically terminated it. She offered a D&C but I opted against it since she said its more than likely I would pass it on my own within the next few days and lo and behold this afternoon when I woke up from the drug induced coma they had me in I was gushing blood and semi-clot like formations as well. I am still bleeding but I believe I passed it all now I have to go to my regular doc in a few days to check my HCG levels to make sure they are not going up but they said they were 99.9% sure I was having a miscarriage and I knew I was today when I woke up. I have no clue why I am so upset over losing something I never knew I had. It's not like I needed another child right now or even wanted one but it still hurts somehow. I know there was never actually a baby inside there...but I am still sad. I came home and snuggled up to my daughter and held her as tight as I could. I know it wasn't God's plan obviously. It wasn't meant to be. Brandon and I both don't exactly know how to feel or think at this point but we are alright. He is being there for me and thats all I need. My mom was upset she knows that we aren't ready for another child but it brought back old memories for her cause she has 3 miscarriages when she was my age so she was upset but thankful that God's plan was done. I just needed to get this out...I have loads of homework to do so I have to get off here. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts ahead of time.
Brittany<3