I was talking with my best friend Chloe earlier tonight and I realized exactly why she is my best friend. I swear she makes me feel so good about myself and doesn't try to make me feel crazy for feeling the things I feel or doing the things I do. She never once has judged me for my decisions and supports me to the fullest extent of everything I do whether it has to be with my marriage,my life, my daughter... EVERYTHING !! She loves me despite of all my stupid idiotic mistakes I have made and will make and I love her !! I hope I can be half as a good a friend to her as she has been to me.
So onto my post. Speaking with Chloe earlier she got me questioning alot of things. We were mostly talking about my marriage and if I was happy. Ya know I have been back and forth with my marriage lately. I have been so confused as to whether I really love him or if I am just staying around for our daughter. He isn't perfect...he is so far from perfect it is pathetic. He is not the best father...he could do more. He is not that most romantic man on the planet... actually he is probably one the least romantic people I have ever met. He gets on my nerves and sometimes does things I dont understand or like. He is goofy as hell and is a big nerd and does things that are so far from sexy its sad....but ya know what...despite all of that. I am so undeniably and unbelievably in love with him. I came in to the house tonight and all my questions were answered when I saw him and kissed his lips. Yes, I am in love with him. No matter how mad I get at him and how much he bugs me...I love that stupid big smile that he gets on his face when he gets a good hand at poker. I love that horribly LOUD laugh he makes when he is watching super troopers. I love that when he looks at me...I can look in his eyes and know that he is thinking that he loves me so much. I love those eyes. Those big brown eyes that I could stare into for hours. I can feel his love. I can feel that he loves me and would do anything for me. So yes I am in love with him and WE will make out marriage work. I am gonna talk to him about my issues and I know he will be understanding and try to change because he does love me. If things don't work out then I know we gave it our best shot but I truly believe that he is my one and only. Cause I cannot picture my life without him because Kaci and him are my life. The God's honest truth is I feel like my heart would stop beating if I didn't have him. The thought of him with someone else...kills me. He is mine. My husband , my partner, the father of my child, and my best friend. Forever...
Brittany<3
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1 comment:
I am so glad you have someone supporting you and helping you find the way! That is what best friends are for.
Marriage, as i am sure i have said before, is really hard. The man we marry is often not the same man a year later and we have to readjust. We discover things that annoy us and we realize and think that maybe we made a mistake.
i think it is especially hard for people like us who married young as we are still growing and learning about life. When you add motherhood, which is the biggest change we will ever go through, we seem to grow up over night where as men just dont get it as fast.
I am sure with a lot of hard work from both of you everything will be fine. On the other hand i will caution you that if he is not willing to put in the same amount of work as you then you can not make things better. It takes equal parts of work for both of you.
Something that helped us through those first hard years was recognizing aloud the things that aggravated both of us about one another. Sometimes it is hard to listen to when the one you love is telling you what he doesn't like about you but then you can both work on the changes that will make your marriage stronger.
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