Enough is Enough !!!

I am done being depressed. I am done letting my father make me upset any longer. And I am done feeling bad about my body. Ya know what I love my new body. You wanna know why? Because that beautiful little miracle that is laying next to me gave me this body. She lived inside me for 9 months we were one person. And when she looks up at me and smiles because she knows I am her mommy it makes everything worthwhile. I am so undeniably in love with her its crazy. I cant get enough of her lately. We spent all day together today just me and her and we just enjoyed each other. She had her 2 month shots yesterday so she has been very clingy but she doesnt want anyone but me. And that does my heart good. She loves her mommy so much!!
It makes Brandon mad though. He doesn't understand why she screams when he is holding her but I will take her from him and she is quiet automatically. I can tell it upsets him but he really doesn't spend that much time with her really. The most time he spent with her was this weekend he watched her while mom and I ran to town. I secretly love the fact that she loves me more hahaha ! Its not my fault he doesn't want to spend time with her because she really doesn't do much. I enjoy her so much. She is such a little diva lately haha ! I bought her a new bouncer because the one we had didn't bounce !!!!! SERIOUSLY !!! She hated it. This new bouncer is awesome and it was cheaper !!! It vibrates and she kicks her legs and it bounces herself. Its awesome. She just giggles and smiles. I love her little slobbery smile !!
I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am gonna enjoy my life!!! With or without my dad. And if Brandon keeps on the way he is...with or without him. I don't wanna say that but its reality. I am scared that my marriage will not work out. I want it to because I do love him...but I just need him to be there more. We feel more like friends who occasionally have sex and live together.Things will get better one way or another...I have what I need and that is my Kaci. She is the reason I breath. If fact and I am gonna go take her and lay her down next to me in bed and cuddle with her :)

P.s. Courtney thank you for being such a great friend to me. I know we don't know each other that well but you have been one of my best friends through some of this hard stuff. I hope one day we can meet cause I really enjoy talking to you. You make me feel so much better about everything :)