Sometimes I wish I had the words to tell you how much you hurt me. You disappoint me so much and I am tired of feeling like you don't care. You promised that when you got out things would change. I see no change. You are still hurting me. You are still hurting Michael. And you are still hurting my mom. Why? Don't you love us? I am sitting here crying my eyes out because you don't understand how much I missed you. When you were in jail and you talked about how you were gonna change I really believed you. I defended you to mom and Michael and said you were gonna prove them wrong and look at us now. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for believing you. Growing up all I wanted was for you to be there. Just be there dad !! Just talk to me and tell me you love me. Put me before the drugs dad !!! Please !! I needed you and you weren't there. You may have been there physically but mentally you were nowhere to be found. I wish I knew what it was like to have a dad really be there for me growing up. The only time you ever showed any emotion towards me was when you were yelling at me or more like screaming at me...Why? Why weren't you there? Why were the drugs more important? Why are they still more important? Aren't we good enough? When you told me earlier today that you were getting back on that stuff and you didn't care how much it hurt me or anyone else...I couldn't believe you. You might as well have stabbed me because that would've probably hurt way less that you looking me directly in my eyes and saying that. Don't you want to be in your granddaughters life? You missed my wedding...you didn't walk me down the aisle like you were supposed to...you missed my high school graduation...you missed my pregnancy and the birth of you first grandchild. Not once have you told me that you were proud of me. My whole life you have never told me you were proud of me. Do you just not love me? Or do you just love yourself more?
I wish I could really say these things to you but I don't think you would care or be phased by it cause like you said earlier you don't care who you hurt as long as you get your precious drugs!! Did your drugs support you when you were in jail for almost 3 years? No, they are what put you there in the first place. Are they worth it daddy? Your gonna lose me and you don't even care.
Brittany<3
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For this child I prayed. 1 Samuel 1:27
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1 comment:
I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you! I wish there was a simple explanation to his actions but often the selfishness of an addict costs them the most precious things in their lives. As much as it hurts i know you will be able to protect your little Kaci and eventually yourself from his selfishness.
I will be praying as always for you and your family!
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