I actually relaxed the past few days and didnt go many places and realized when I am at home and Im obviously alone cause hubby is ALWAYS at work and so is mom...all I do is think and get anxious. Yes, we all know about my fears of becoming a mother but gosh its getting worse. And to top it all off I am also having fears about my father getting out of jail. Long story short on that...my father robbed a bank in July of 2007. He was under the influence of xanex and methadone. My father and mother split up in May of 2007 and sold our home of 16 years and split the 14,000 they got back outta the house and my father got so depressed about not being around us that much anymore and started doing xanex. Now, my father has always been on methadone...recovering heroine addict so it was nothing new to me that he was on that but...My father doing something like that was CRAZY to me. I'll never forget the day the FBI guy brought in the pictures and made me sign them saying that was my father robbing an east Nashville bank of America. My father is due for release June 26th. I miss him more than anything in the world. We didnt always get along but he always loved me. He says he has changed and will never go back to the things that led up to him doing this terrible thing.
I am scared to death...Thats all I know because he has made these promises before to change and he never did but he also never went to jail for 2 years either. I just pray that God has done a work in him like he says he has. I want my daughter to have her grandpa in her life..and she looks just like him !! I look like my daddy and my little girl looks like me so in turn she looks like him. I told him this when he called the other night and he cried. He cries many times when he talks to me because he has missed so much. He missed walking me down the aisle at my wedding and he will miss my entire pregnancy and he will miss the birth of his first grandchild. He will be out when she is a month old.
I have to stop here because I am crying and I just cant write anymore...maybe some more later.
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Oh honey i am sorry you are feeling so alone and anxious right now. Pregnancy can do some crazy thing to your brain. I truly hope that he has changed and that God has worked good in his life. Sometimes the worst has to happen before we realize the wrong path we have been on. I will be praying for you all and i cant wait to meet your little angel!
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