My mom turned to me tonight with tears in her eyes to tell me how unselfish I am. She said it amazes her how truly unselfish I am and how I have grown into the wonderful woman she always wanted me to be.
I thought at that very moment...But, I havent always been this person. I have no always lived my life for my Lord. I couldn't help but wonder is this my punishment for the bad things I have done in the past?
It hurt my heart and I begged God at that exact moment to not punish my poor child for my mistakes. Please God, let her be born with no problems and live a long happy and successful life. If anyone deserves the punishment it's me.
My mom told me God doesn't punish. But, he can preform miracles. And I am asking this today. My baby...my darling little Kaci...she needs a miracle. We need a miracle. I am fighting back the tears as I write this...they come so often lately it's hard to believe that Christmas is 2 days away. I am usually so happy this time of year and I should be especially happy this year because I have a wonderful being growing inside me, who I would lay my life down for even though she isn't even here yet. But, instead I am sitting here worrying whether she will even be here next Christmas like I had been planning.
Please, everyone...pray for a miracle. Not for me... for my Kaci. She deserves a chance at a wonderful life and all I want is to see her grow into the amazing person I know she will be. I just love her so much already.
Thank you all for listening to me...those of you that did.
Brittany<3
2 comments:
Oh honey how my heart breaks for you! I know the pain of someone telling you these things but i also the know joy that is a miracle from God. I have a few blogs i want to send you to. They are all women who have lost a child or who have had a miracle given to them. They are strong women who somehow through pain still manage to put their faith in God. First is http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ who lost her daughter Audrey but still manages to give God thanks everyday. http://daytimedramaofmine.blogspot.com/ This is my sister's blog. She lost her angel Nadia on 08/31/07. http://sgirl79.blogspot.com/ This is Stacy who just lost her son a few months ago but is staying strong. Finally http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ who recieved a miracle from God via her little boy. I know that these women if no one else understand how you feel and it is always good to have someone that understands. I continue to pray for you and Kaci every night. I am sorry i wrote a letter here. Take Care!
I completely understand your worries. Our first trimester screening came back 1:23 for Down syndrome and I was paralyzed with fear for over a month. We lost a baby earlier this year and I couldn't believe that God would allow this to happen a second time.
At our 19-week u/s, we got to see our little boy and he's healthy as can be. All of our worrying was for nothing and we have no one but God to thank for that. Remember, science isn't perfect and no one can predict the future.
I'm also a first-time mommy and we're also due in May. Keep your head up, be strong for your little one and love your husband. Lean on each other as much as you need to, he's the one that truly understands what you're going through (no matter how much or how little he may actually say about it!)
You're in my thoughts. :)
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