14 Months...

Dear Kaci,
Another month gone and you're another month older. I feel like I say this constantly but where did time go? The painful realization that you are growing up kills me but what a joy it is to watch you and to have the privilege to watch you my baby. A week ago I read a mothers blog...a week ago she lost her son. Her 7 year old son lost his fight to cystic fibrosis. It really made me realize how precious time is. How I just want to grab every moment and hold onto it because you just can't get it back. Once it's gone it's gone. As I am sitting here watching you dance and watch barney I am overwhelmed by sadness for that mother...She can no longer look at her son and watch him dance and watch his favorite shows. He is with God now...and finally breathing with ease. We all complain about things in our day to day lives that we probably shouldn't. There are days that I don't want to get out of bed I just want to be lazy...there are days where I want to pull my hair out by the end of the day because I am so tired and so done with saying "NO" and "Don't touch that" all day long. But, I want to stop this. Yes, my darling you are a handful. You are a little ball of energy and you are just simply a mess...but you are my mess...the best kind of mess there could ever be. Next time I feel a moment of me losing my patience I want to sit and breath and remember that there are mothers out there who would give anything to have one more day to tell their children "NO" and "Don't touch that" again. I can never imagine these mothers pain...and I don't wish to. I hope I never have to know that pain and would never wish it on anyone.
My sweet angel I love you so much...and I want to enjoy every second I have with you because time is flying by and before I know it you're going to be going to school, then starting high school, then graduating, then getting married, then making me a grandma...it seems to far off...but so close. Don't grow up to fast my love. Stay my baby forever.
Mommy