Remembering...

Watching the show NICU on discovery health got me really emotional tonight. That is a place that I honestly don't ever want to be again.
I never got the chance to tell the full story of my experience at the NICU so I will take the opportunity.
My daughter was born May 1,2009 as all of you know. She was so perfect. We brought her home 2 days later and everything seemed fine. But, the day we got home she would not latch on to me anymore. She was a breastfeeding champ at the hospital but as soon as I tried at home she wouldn't latch. I automatically started telling my mother and Brandon that something is not right. But, everyone kept telling me that these things happen so I just kept trying. a few more days went by and things got worse. We had to start formula and she was spitting up constantly. We were also having issues because she had jaundice. So I kept taking her to her pediatrician everyday to get her levels tested. All the while I still felt as if something just wasn't right. Then when she was 4 days old her jaundice level jumped to 20 and they needed to readmit her to the hospital to be put under the bili bed overnight to get her levels down. Well we settled into our hospital room and put Kaci into the bili bed. My room was right next to the nursery so I was pumping her bottles to feed her through the night. She needed 2 ounces every 3 hours. Around 2 a.m. I wasnt getting any milk while pumping around that time so I had to break down and give her 2 ounces of formula at that feeding because the nurse insisted that she needed it. Well, that is when it happened. Things went from ok to awful. The nurse began to force the bottle of formula down my childs throat because Kaci did not want to eat. I kept telling the nurse that she hasn't wanted to eat in days and the nurse kept forcing it down her. Then Kaci vommitted green mucous and I knew that wasn't good. I asked the nurse if that was normal and she looked at me and said its not a good sign. But continued to force the bottle down her throat as she is puking up mucous at the same time. I would love to get my hands on that nurse still today !
Onto the rest of the story. The next morning Kaci's pediatrician came in on his day off to order the xray that showed what we all we dreading to see. Her intestines were flipped cutting off blood supply. She would have to be rushed to Vanderbilt Childrens hospital where she was to have surgery within that week. She rode in an ambulance the 45 minute drive as we drove behind them. I sobbed the whole way. I remember that whole day as being a complete crying fest. Brandon would just hold me and try to stay strong for me but when they put her in the incubator and he saw her tiny fragile little body being poked with needles and her crying and screaming...it became to much for him and he broke down. To this day i remember him looking at me in the hallway of the hospital holding an empty carseat and asking me why...why our daughter? I wish I knew that answer.
When we got to VCH she was place in the NICU where the doctors came in and we were told her surgery would be within a few days. We felt positive when we left.
Then they called the next morning saying her surgery would have to be moved to that day because it was more twisted than they orignally thought it was. So we rushed the hospital and they told us the surgery would take up to 2 to 3 hours and they started when we were leaving our house. When we got there we sat in the waiting room for literally all fo 15 minutes and they came out and put us in the room to tell us how it went and I just remember the docs first words were "Everything looks great" The surgery took 30 minutes and they thought she would be on the ventilator to help her breathe afterwards but no my child didn't need that at all.
For 3 weeks she laid in the NICU. She wasn't able to eat for the first 2 because they were having to pull green bile and mucous out of her belly where it had sat in there. Then it finally turned clear and we were able to feed her. It was the best feeling in the world. Those 3 weeks without her were the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life. We felt so empty. We left the hospital each day with an empty carseat in the back seat. We had an empty bassinet sitting next to our bed. And we had empty arms that longed to hold her everynight before bed...but thats just not the way it worked out. I am so thankful to the NICU team at Vanderbilt. Those nurses treated my child like she was their own. I remember one nurse I loved the most she would sing to Kaci and rock her when I wasn't there to do so. It was amazing. They saved my daughters life and I am forever grateful for them. I still to this day donate money to that hospital because of all that they did for my baby.






so thats the story. Sorry if it bored you but I always wanted to post it in this for Kaci to read later.

Brittany