I am so happy and excited about my baby...but at the same time all I do lately is cry. Over nothing at all I could just be sitting in the living room and I just perk up and cry. How can I be so sad all the time when I have so much to be happy about.
I am really miserable. My whole body aches and aches and it just doesnt stop. I cannot sleep. I havent had a good nights rest in a good month now and my doctor just keeps telling me to try tylenol pm try benedryl try unisom try a whole phenergan...well guess what I tried all that and then some and NOTHING worked. One night I took a whole Unisom and a whole Phenergan...some people cant even take a whole phenergan just because it knocks them out so hard but me you ask?? Nothing I felt nothing...and I even took a sleep aide on top of it. I am just physically and emotionally drained at this point. I just want my little girl out so I can stop with all the aching and hurting and emotions...I understand that I wont get much sleep when she is born but really it will be different cause then I will have her to hold in my arms. Right now I sit here and worry about whether she is moving enough or is she uncomfortable or is the cord wrapped around her or is she pinching the cord??
I just hate this guessing game. Ill have contractions still and they have me doubled over in pain then I go to the hospital and they arent dilating me so there is nothin they do but send me home and tell me to drink water...well I drink water all day long and guess what I still have contractions. Its hard to sit here and know im contracting but I cant be sure if this time are they dilating me or is it another false alarm?
Like I said I am miserable. On top of that I recently told a friend of mine that I no longer wanted her in my life because she is on the run from the police for violation of probation and she is doing drinking constantly and popping pills all the time and its just not the lifestyle that I want to bring my child around... thats what I was brought up around and its nothing for a child to see.
I felt bad about it but of course she got defensive and said alot of very mean things to me about myself and it just sucks I was trying to be an adult about the situation and I have this girl who is 2 years older than me acting like she is 5 again.
But, oh well its over and done with now and I don't have to worry about her anymore. I hope.
I'll shut up...Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Brittany<3
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