Complaining Complaining

I am not one to usually be a big baby but I am at my wits end !! I feel like a toddler crying all the time. I cried yesterday because I spilt my tea outside. I wanted that tea I was so looking forward to it and it was gone in an instant and I swear you would have thought my dog died or something. It was an all out 20 minutes of drama and crying. My wonderful husband even offered to drive the 5 miles up the road to the restaurant to get me another sweet tea because it was my favorite. I declined because that was just not fair to him but seriously crying over tea ?! How big of an ass did I make of myself lol. Thats not the first time this has happened though I swear pregnancy has made me this huge ball of emotions and I could cry at the drop of a hat.
On another note I have a wonderful cold now !! UGH !!! My nose is leaking like a faucet and my throat was hurting but it has stopped after 3 days so now I am stuck here blowing my nose 5 million times a day, sniffling, sneezing, itching my eyes, and on top of that I cant taste the delicious foods that I love so much. I hate having a cold for that reason mostly other then the fact that its just annoying !!!!!
I had a doctor appointment yesterday. It went well. They, of course, cannot give me anything yo help me sleep and she said " well look at it this way you only have 7 more weeks till her due date." I wanted to say you have got to be kidding me....I havent been able to sleep since I was 29 weeks which was 4 weeks ago and now I am going to have to endure 7 more weeks of it. She said it like it was nothing. Like people go 11 weeks without sleep all the time. Its not that I am just not getting a deep sleep I will go days on end without sleeping. She said we possibly need to look into me being bi-polar. I never really thought of it but my mom,dad, and brother are all bi-polar and I just assumed I was the normal one but now that I look at myself I do have alot of the traits. But, in some good news in 2 weeks I go to my last every 2 weeks appointments !!! Then I go every week and they start checking me for dilation. I hope and pray that she doesnt stay in till May 14th. I can deal with a 37 week baby she is considered full term then !!! But my doc said the other day that she has dropped so she highly doubts that I will make it 7 more weeks more like 4 or 5 which has gotten my hopes up so I only hope my little angel doesnt let me down...but even if she stays in till May 14th I will take it as a compliment I have made such a nice cozy environment for her that she just doesnt wanna leave. Lol at least thats the way I plan to look at it. The real reason being that she has her fathers stubborn attitude and doesnt want to do anything that others want her to do hahaha.
I will stop now. Hope you all have a lovely day !!
Brittany<3

I did it !!!

I chopped all my hair off !! 10 inches to be exact. And Kaci will be delighted to know(when she is old enough to appreciate it) that I donated it to locks of love :) I am proud of myself. I also put blonde highlights in it. My hubby says I look like a mommy now. I love it... its light and breezy and not a hassle to fix at all.
As for Kaci she is giving me some problems tonight. Been having pretty painful contractions the past hour but they are slowly subsiding now. I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital for a second. I think she is getting so big now that her moving irritates my uterus. And boy does she move !!! My little angel takes her monster feet (which she got from her father I might add) and puts them right in mommys right ribcage. She just perches em up there and lays back and relaxes...all the while I cant breath. She is a stinker already but so worth it. She can keep her feet there for all I care. I just wanna sleep. This lack of sleep thing has been going on for 2 months now... something has to be done. I have a doctors appointment tuesday and I am telling her I want the ambien. She suggested I try tylenol pm,benedryl, and unisom before we go the ambien route and guess what I tried all those and a whole phenergan on top of that and still did not fall asleep for almost 4 hours.. I just stared blankly at the walls while my husband is snoring in my ear right next to me. I just wanna poke him and wake him up so he can be miserable with me but he has to work at 6 in the morning so I'll be nice.
I have gained 33 pounds also...UGH !!! Let me tell you I am feeling the weight too. I was always 132 I mean ever since high school I havent moved on the scale...now I am 165. NEVER has my scale went above 135. I want to cry everything my doctor weighs me and she just laughs and says she loves to see me gaining. I'm like well I don't !!!! I feel like I am as big as a freaking house !!!! 8 more weeks Brittany just 8 more weeks possibly not even that long if my little angel wants to come a little early ...WHICH I AM FINE WITH !!!! lol not to early but maybe around 36 weeks?? That sounds reasonable babies born at 36 weeks are healthy and big... and plus she is measuring 2 weeks ahead of her due date so really instead of being 32 she is 34 !! Please pray that she doesnt make me wait till the due date.
On top of this we are buying a house. Not sure which one yet but we are looking. Had 2 already that were almosts but we decided against them at the last minute. They just werent for us. Why settle for something less than what you want.
Okay now that I have wrote a book I am gonna go lay next to my husband and pretend to be asleep...maybe it will happen... I doubt it though I am wide awake after tylenol pm and a whole phenergan.
Goodnight everyone !!
Brittany<3

How can this be...

I am so happy and excited about my baby...but at the same time all I do lately is cry. Over nothing at all I could just be sitting in the living room and I just perk up and cry. How can I be so sad all the time when I have so much to be happy about.
I am really miserable. My whole body aches and aches and it just doesnt stop. I cannot sleep. I havent had a good nights rest in a good month now and my doctor just keeps telling me to try tylenol pm try benedryl try unisom try a whole phenergan...well guess what I tried all that and then some and NOTHING worked. One night I took a whole Unisom and a whole Phenergan...some people cant even take a whole phenergan just because it knocks them out so hard but me you ask?? Nothing I felt nothing...and I even took a sleep aide on top of it. I am just physically and emotionally drained at this point. I just want my little girl out so I can stop with all the aching and hurting and emotions...I understand that I wont get much sleep when she is born but really it will be different cause then I will have her to hold in my arms. Right now I sit here and worry about whether she is moving enough or is she uncomfortable or is the cord wrapped around her or is she pinching the cord??
I just hate this guessing game. Ill have contractions still and they have me doubled over in pain then I go to the hospital and they arent dilating me so there is nothin they do but send me home and tell me to drink water...well I drink water all day long and guess what I still have contractions. Its hard to sit here and know im contracting but I cant be sure if this time are they dilating me or is it another false alarm?
Like I said I am miserable. On top of that I recently told a friend of mine that I no longer wanted her in my life because she is on the run from the police for violation of probation and she is doing drinking constantly and popping pills all the time and its just not the lifestyle that I want to bring my child around... thats what I was brought up around and its nothing for a child to see.
I felt bad about it but of course she got defensive and said alot of very mean things to me about myself and it just sucks I was trying to be an adult about the situation and I have this girl who is 2 years older than me acting like she is 5 again.
But, oh well its over and done with now and I don't have to worry about her anymore. I hope.
I'll shut up...Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Brittany<3

Okay so...

Things are better !! Lots and lots better. I know and realize it sounds kinda odd but my husband obviously has an issue. Porn is addicting like a drug or gambling. If the temptation is there its hard to resist. So therefore I took care of the temptation. I made my account on his computer the major account and its password protected so he cant get into it and I set the parental controls on his account to where he can no longer look at websites that are mature content. I checked with him after I did it to make sure that the websites he normally likes to look at like his fantasy baseball or whatever wasnt blocked and it wasnt and he thanked me for doing it actually.
I love him and we gotta work through this. But I cant do it anymore...that was the last chance he gets. But, I really think its different this time.
In other news I had my baby shower yesterday and got lots of cool stuff!! I'm really excited to have her...and I am actually really ready to have her. I am so miserable lately she has her feet in my ribs and it feels like she is about to break my ribs. I swear I never knew it could hurt so much. 9 more weeks or less hopefully less !! PLEASE LESS !!! I want this child outta me!!!!!

Take your pick

I am at my wits end. My husband and I have been over this and over this porn issue the last time was the 3rd time I had talked to him about it and told him, well not only told him but cried so much to him telling him how badly it hurt me. And, I have been getting on his computer and checking and he hasnt been watching it. Well, today I came home early and found him in the shower...well I looked at his computer and he had his recent places pulled up and he never EVER looks at that...well sure enough he has been watching it and deleting it off afterwards so I wouldnt find it...Im just hurt. This is the 3rd and final time I am getting lied to. In my eyes he might as well be with another woman cause that would hurt me just as much as this is. Its me or the porn...and I will be telling him this. And if he indeed doesnt stop Im leaving him. I cant do it anymore. Im so sick of hurting over and over again about the same thing and he knows how much it hurts me !!
I just had to get it out...