I have so much to say...

At the same time though I really feel like I have ONE thing to say. I am a good mother. I don't know where anyone got the impression that I am not but I assure you...you were misinformed. Finding out that some people assume that my mom takes care of my child for me was a real slap in the face especially when me,my mom,Brandon, and ANYONE else who has ever been around me knows the truth. Anytime you see me...you see Kaci. She is with me 24 hours a day 7 days a week and I wouldn't have it any other way. When Kaci was about 0-3 months old my mom helped me...SHE DID NOT DO IT FOR ME she HELPED me because I was a new mother and I was overwhelmed with my daughter having surgery and my husband being out of town...But like I said over and over again she HELPED me...there is a huge difference between doing it for me and helping me...and my mother will vouch for me on this...I take care of my daughter I have since the moment she was born and I will keep taking care of her until the day I die. I don't mean to be rude or sound like I am jumping anyone because I'm not...this post IS NOT directed towards just one person in particular I have had at least 2 people in the past few months accuse me of not being a mother. This is just a touchy subject to me. Because, well...I don't feel like I have ever really done ANYTHING right in my life...except Kaci. I feel like I pretty much failed in ever other aspect of my life except being a mother to her. It is the best thing to ever happen to me. She is my entire reason for existence. I get up with her throughout the night if she needs me. I get up in the morning with her and we eat breakfast together. We play after that. Then she takes a nap and I clean usually. When she gets up from her nap we play some more or go run errands. And then at night I feed her dinner give her a bath and put her to bed...before she turned 15 months old I rocked her to sleep EVERYNIGHT. I would do anything for that little girl...I would die for her in an instant...If all those things mean that I do not take care of my daughter then I think you have some learning to do. My mom does not help me anymore. My mom lives with me so that we can help each other out FINANCIALLY. She does not clean my house for me nor does she take care of my daughter. Yes, sometimes if I get done drinking out of a glass and i sit it on the table and I haven't taken it to the kitchen yet she will take it for me but not because she thinks I wont do it...because she has the motherly instinct...just like I do with my child. I am so over having to defend myself because people think its their place in life to tell me what I do and don't do with MY child. I am a fantastic mother. If I did everything else in my life wrong I know that Kaci is the one thing that I did right. I guess I just get bothered by people who know zero about my life but feel its their right to state their opinion. Especially when their opinion could not be more wrong. I love you Kaci Jade.

Just amazed...

My heart is overflowing right now. And honestly, this situation has NOTHING at all to do with me but seriously I am just amazed at how there are still good people in this world. I don't know if anyone reads This blog but her name is Kelle Hampton. She has 2 beautiful daughters, one of which was born with Down Syndrome...and the thing is she didn't know that her babygirl had this until she came out and she took one look at her. If you haven't read Nellas birth story Click here you owe it to yourself to read this story...I have read it 50 times probably and I cry every time because it is just a beautiful and amazing story of love and heartache. The reason I am writing this is because sweet little Nella is turning ONE in just a few days and for her first birthday her mother is having a fundraiser called Nella's ONEder Fund...she initially started out trying to raise 15,000 and suddenly people just started donating and then it went from 15 to 30,000 now it is at 76,000...I had no clue that people were so quick to donate...but I am so thankful for people like that. No, I don't have a child with down syndrome and I wont pretend I know what its like but gosh I have just fallen in love with this little girl Nella. She has really touched my heart. I look forward to her mothers new posts just because I love seeing her smiling face...honestly she is BEAUTIFUL ! You just can't help it...if you read that blog and see her face you will fall in love too. Even if you only donate 5 dollars every little bit count and all the money goes toward the National Down Syndrome Society ! Please help them reach their goal and give Nella the best birthday gift ever !!!! Her mother posted a video and I have to share it with you the post is HERE. I don't know what compelled me to post this but I just needed to. This little girl is awesome and so are all the children with down syndrome...and they need to be reminded of just how amazing they are. Please help...

Brittany

Dear Kaci...

I can't believe you are 20 months old already. In just 4 months you will be 2 and that is such a hard thing for me to even say. I never in a million years imagined that by the time I was 22 I would have a 2 year old but you know what baby?? I wouldn't have it any other way. You are just so amazing. Here lately I will admit you are showing signs of the "terrible twos" but honestly its nothing compared to some kids I have seen...I knew the day would come where you would begin to start testing me so I had prepared myself and honestly you listen pretty well so I don't think its going to be that bad...Don't quote me on that though cause you just never know right? You are walking so much more lately. I can make out lots of words and pretty much tell what you are trying to say most of the time. You point and tell me when you want something. It definitely makes things easier. You had a WONDERFUL Christmas. You are so spoiled but I don't even care...I wouldn't have you any other way. You got Jojo the rabbit...he came with a carrot and you have to hide with the carrot and he will find you. You don't quite get the hiding factor yet but you do have lots of fun making him follow you around lol. You got a new baby doll and you named her Abby and you got baby furniture to play with her in. You also got The Weebles treehouse. They are these really neat figurines that wobble around but don't topple over. Its so cute you love to make them slide down their slide and you always say "WEEEEEE" as they slide down. Its precious. You also got a doggy from you nana and papa that follows you around when you carry his bone. And your Grandpa got you a Dora play house !! That was by far one of your favorite toys of all time. You wouldn't even let us wait to get home to open it up to play with it you had to play with it the second you got it !! Grandpa was so happy that you loved his present I swear he loves you so much its so nice to see him with you. And you also got a play kitchen !!! Mimi of course got you that and boy do you love it ! You are so funny watching you shoving everything in your play microwave and oven I love watching you play you do the funniest things sometimes ! You got more things but those are the big ones. You also got very sick about a week ago. Right after Christmas you just started acting like you weren't feeling well then you started running a fever so I knew it was time to take you to the doctor and sure enough you had the flu and a double ear infection. I hated seeing you that sick baby. You wanted to do nothing but lay in my arms and watch tv. Most of the time you didn't even watch tv you just fell asleep. You wanted to sleep all the time and I couldn't get you to eat much except popsicles and some yogurt. Thankfully it only lasted a few days and you started feeling somewhat better. You are better now but you still haven't fully gotten your appetite back. I am just thankful to see you playing again. I haven't seen you that sick before I felt so helpless. I just begged God to just make me sick and take it off you...I would be sick for a whole year if it meant you wouldn't get sick at all. But, you are better now and you will get sick again someday...I just hope its not anytime soon I just want you healthy. I love you so much. I wish that I could express how much I love you in words but it's just impossible. I have never felt that I would truly die for someone except God...and then I met your daddy and you...and let me just tell you my angel I would die for you and him in a heartbeat. Whatever it took to make sure you and him were safe and healthy...on a list of what is important to me I can honestly say that myself is at the bottom of the list. You and your daddy are so important to me and I feel so blessed to have you. Well my darling you keep coming in here and trying to get me to go to your room with you to play so I better get in there before you get mad at me :) I love you my angel...you are growing up to fast !




-mommy

525,600 minutes...

How can I even begin to describe how 2010 has changed me...It definitely didn't throw me the changes that 2009 did but it definitely brought challenges with it. I have had my fair share of heartache this year. Everyday I feel a little twinge in my stomach knowing that my babygirl is one day older. One day closer to not needing me anymore. But right now I am savoring it. I feel like I talk about that a lot here but thats what I have to do. I have to savor each and every moment. I really hope I can make 2011 a better year. I'm not going to sit here and boast about how awesome its going to be and how I am going to make it my year and blah blah blah cause honestly who wants to hear that? My plan is to make it a good year. To lose the weight that I need to lose to feel better about myself...but like I said who knows how the year will play out. I am confident in the fact that I know one thing will stay constant....my family. They are my main focus now. No more worrying about friends who don't seem to care about me like I care about them. No more trying to please people who obviously care ZERO about pleasing me. My husband and daughter and family are the only ones who matter anymore. I am also planning to start "The love dare" again and follow through with it. I quit on day 14 last time and I refuse to quit again until I finish it. I also have started taking Acai Berry pills to lose some weight. I love the fact that they are all natural and are so good for you on top of speeding up your metabolism and burns belly fat and curves your appetite. So long baby fat I am going to look good again. I can't be uncomfortable in my own skin any longer. I am really trying to lose weight the healthy way... I can't live the unhealthy way anymore either. I just want to make this year special. I just know we aren't promised tomorrow...and I want to spend this year with the ones that matter the most to me. Each and every second is precious especially with them. I was blessed with this amazing husband and I feel like I have been putting friendships before him. My daughter has always been number one but my marriage needs some attention as well. Of course she is still my number one but marriage is right next to her. Life is just so wonderful with them...I can't thank God enough for blessing me with this amazing family. Life is so good...