I am officially scared. Its slowly dawning on me how much my life is changing. Not that I don't welcome this change cause I do. I want my child more than anything in this world. But, I see so many scary things in this world that make me worry. I have friends who are constantly on drugs,drinking,having sex with random guys, and just being downright idiots if you ask me... and it has me to thinking what if my daughter turns out like that? What if she does some of the things I did as a teenager? Oh my gosh...Im scared. Will I be able to teach her right from wrong and instill it in her mind so that when she gets in situations like that she knows the right thing to do. I know that all these things are quite frankly out of my control but I think as a mother we all go through this and ever since finding out she was definitely a girl its really got me to thinking how much I probably scared my mom growing up. I can still remember when I was 16 and my mom begged me not to go to this party where there was drinking and drugs and of course sex... and she sat on the front porch crying holding my hand begging me not to go and I let her hand go and walked off to my ride that was waiting to take me. Will my daughter break my heart like I broke my moms that night? Because I know thats exactly what I did. How could I have been so cold as to just walk away from the woman who gave me life and only has my best interest at heart and KNEW she KNEW that something bad was going to happen... and she was right. Someone slipped me an extacy pill at that party that night and I ended up making a HUGE mistake that I didnt even know I did until the next day when I saw the video tape and it had gotten half way around the school. She knew that something bad was going to happen and she even came the next day and picked me up from that place and held me while I cried because of what happened and she never even asked for an apology or said I told ya so or nothing...she was just there for me. Will I be as wonderful of a mother as she was? Because she was. She was WONDERFUL she was the absolute best mother ever and she is to this day still my best friend. What I am getting at is I am just scared. And how do I shake these feelings of not being good enough to be Kacis mom? Cause I don't feel like I am qualified sometimes to be a mom I thought before that I was completely ready and wanting this and I still want it but...Can I give her the perfect life she so much deserves?
As I sit here crying I hope nobody judges me for having these feelings I am not saying I am going to give my baby up or have an abortion or anything like that I just simply need help...advise ... words of encouragment...God...Anything...please
Brittany<3
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Oh honey i wish i could explain to you how thing work exactly. What science there is that we can do everything perfectly. I wish i could help you feel better about being a mom. The honest to God truth is that everything you just said is normal. And not just for first time moms or young moms but of every mom. I am a mom of 2 and still wonder sometimes if i am raising them right. Every time they get hurt i question my ability to love, nurture, and teach them all they need to know. Being a parent is the job of all jobs. It is a lot of pressure and a lot of responsibility but it is also a learn as you go job. There is no manual and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Yes there are bad parents but unless you plan on partying, drinking, drugging, and having random sex, or beating your child then i don't think you qualify. You will be a great mom if you just try to do your best because that is all you can do. We do our best to provide what our children need and at a certain point all you can do is tell them and then they have the ability to choose. You know as a teen you did things your mom advised against and it is because you chose to. Nothing in the world could have kept you from that party and that is how teenagers are. Kaci will break your heart but your job is to not break hers. You must provide her with a parent and a friend. There is a fine line because you have to be parent 90% and friend only 10% of the time. She will need discipline and love and understanding as your mom showed you. The only thing that makes a good parent in time and experience. I hope this book helped!
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