Fireproof.

For anyone who is married or is about to get married...Fireproof is a movie that you must watch. I sat here and watched it and cried the whole movie. It was a very uplifting movie and if your marriage needs a bit of a boost that movie is a definite watch for you. It made me realize so much about love and marriage that I feel closer to my husband now. It was beautiful and wonderful and thats all I cant say about it. Please watch it.
On another note 2 nights ago I had to go to the hospital because I was having MAJOR contractions that were 2 minutes apart. I apparently let myself get dehydrated again and man...contractions hurt VERY much. But, I wasnt dilating thank God. So, doctors got me all fixed up and sent me home. Man, I just wanna keep my little one in for as long as I can and she seems to wanna come out lol.
Oh well, the doctor gave me alot of encouragement the other night she did tell me if she was born that night that yes, she would have to be in the hospital for a while but that she would more than likely make it out a healthy baby just because she is already big for her age and her lungs are very mature. I am so lucky to have such a healthy baby inside me its amazing. I love her so much.
Brittany<3

What Happened????

I am feeling EXTRA pregnant lately. I swear its like someone hit the preggo button on me cause I am feeling it. I feel the extra ten pounds I have on me and she is laying so low and heavy I feel like she is gonna fall out lol. On top of all that I feel so...no sexy. This is personal I guess but I mean Im pregnant so its obvious you know my hubby and I have sex lol but we were in the middle of doing the deed and he had to stop cause he said he was getting to hot. Now, we were in the shower and it was REALLLLY hot and we did finish a few minutes later but I couldnt shake the feeling that it was because he didnt wanna look at me or I look gross or something. I just feel so huge lately. I just hope he still finds me attractive cause when I look in the mirror I dont find myself thinking that I look attractive anymore. And I used to be pretty confident in the fact that Im not bad looking.
I dunno, Ill shut up about that. I am 24wks and 4 days now...15 weeks left...Oh my gosh it feels so soon but yet so far ! I am so ready !!!!!
I am not looking forward to birth but at the same time I am excited if that makes sense. Its something that not everyone can experience and I get to...its just crazy to think that in just a few months I'll be holding my baby.
Okay well Ill be quiet I just wanted to do a quick update.
Brittany<3

Inauguration Day

Today is a day to go down in history. While, I did not vote for Obama I sat here this morning wondering why I didn't. I let people sway my vote and it was very clear to me this morning that I was proud to say that was my president. When he was being sworn in tears just fell out of my eyes and his speech brought even more tears. I truly believe this man is going to bring about a new light in our country and he will change it for the good.
A friend of mine messaged me last night to tell me that she couldn't believe that he was going to our president because he is not a christian. This struck a chord in my because my brother is not a christian nor is his wife. BUT, they do believe in God. As does Obama. This friend of mine told me that my brother and sister in law were going to hell because they are not christians. I somehow cannot believe this. My sister in law goes to her church faithfully every week. She goes to the Temple she is Indian and thats what she was brought up to believe but she will tell you anyday that she fully believes in God. I don't mind people being set in their beliefs its a beautiful thing but to bash and say that others beliefs are wrong just because you are so close minded in beyond me. It really got to me. I sat here for hours crying and asking myself if what I believed in was going to get my into heaven and if I teach my daughter what I believe in...and Im wrong...what if she doesnt get into heaven because of my mistake. But, then I thought...I have faith in my faith. I believe what I believe and I believe in my Lord and savior up above. And my daughter will be brought up to know that there is a God. But my daughter will not be brought up to bring others down just because they do not believe EXACTLY what she does. She will be open minded like I am and know that judging people no matter what is WRONG and thats exactly what my friend was doing last night. She was making it her right to judge people and say who is going to heaven and who is not... and in the bible it says judge not and be not judged.
I dont know why I am writing all this but it just got to me and I had to spill my guts I suppose.
At any rate Obama is now officially our president and I, for one, am proud that I am a part of this and that my child will be a part of this history making moments in time.
I hope I don't get bashed for some things I said but they are just my beliefs.
Hope you all are doing well.
Brittany<3

Sometimes I Wonder...

How did I get so lucky? I sat here and have been thinking about my husband for the past few hours and I am realizing just how lucky I am. I am 19 years old. At this age girls are in and out of bad relationships and I see these loser guys that are my age that are looking for nothing more than a girl with no brain who will be easy and let them in their pants. I had the privilege to get a job at wal-mart and my first day I am sitting at the computer doing my training and I turn around and there he was...reaching his hand out to grab mine to shake it with that amazing smile on his face and he flashed those big brown eyes at me...Even though I had a boyfriend at the time I fell completely and totally in love with him at that moment. I knew nothing about this man and here I was catching myself thinking about him all the time. But, he was my manager and I had a boyfriend so we had 2 things working against us. I let a friendship build with him over the next few months then my boyfriend and I broke up and I was working back at the oil change center and he came in to get his oil changed one day and I snagged his phone number off the paper and texted him and lied asking who it was and my "friend" had given me this number and told me to text it. He was intrigued once he found out who it was that was texting him and we began having a little text flirting. But, that next week I found out the terrible news that he had a girlfriend. But, yet he still kept texting me telling me how he wished I was her and how he wanted to be with me...I was falling in love with him and I was scared that he was just leading me on and him being the nice guy that he was tried to stop texting me out of respect for his girlfriend although he was unhappy with her he didnt wanna hurt her feelings. A month later I text him randomly and find out they broke up and we instantly start talking about getting together alone. Now, up until this point I had texted him and seen and talked to him at work but never EVER hung out with him outside of work. December 5, 2007 I came to his apartment and we went to go get some Zaxbys and brought it back to his apartment( at this point he is still my manager so its against the rules for us to be doing any of this so we opted not to go out where people would catch us) We ate the zaxbys and watched Scarface and we held hands during the movie but I kept inching closer to him hoping that he would move in and he never did. I assumed he wasnt interested. Then the credits start rolling I lift up to relieve the tension in my back and then I rest back on the couch and he pulls my head towards him and gives me the most amazing 15 minute kiss I could have ever asked for. I simply told him " I have been waiting forever for that." He put in office space but we didnt watch it I was to busy with my lips on his...The rest is history...

I still cant believe it sometimes that he loves me. I would often question whether or not he really loved me but I catch him looking at me sometimes and I can just see it. Its in the way he looks at me, he touches me, he kisses me, the way he rubs my belly, in going to work everyday to support our new family...EVERYTHING he does is because he loves me. I have never known such a love. It overpowers me sometimes how I could love someone as much as I love him...but I do. I literally have loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him and it only grows stronger every single day.

If you made it this far good job lol Sorry i wrote a book but this is something for my child to look back on and I figured it would be nice for her to read how mommy and daddy met and how much they loved each other.

Everything is okay as far as the baby as well I'll write more in a few days !

Brittany<3

Coping with the thought I am having...

I am officially scared. Its slowly dawning on me how much my life is changing. Not that I don't welcome this change cause I do. I want my child more than anything in this world. But, I see so many scary things in this world that make me worry. I have friends who are constantly on drugs,drinking,having sex with random guys, and just being downright idiots if you ask me... and it has me to thinking what if my daughter turns out like that? What if she does some of the things I did as a teenager? Oh my gosh...Im scared. Will I be able to teach her right from wrong and instill it in her mind so that when she gets in situations like that she knows the right thing to do. I know that all these things are quite frankly out of my control but I think as a mother we all go through this and ever since finding out she was definitely a girl its really got me to thinking how much I probably scared my mom growing up. I can still remember when I was 16 and my mom begged me not to go to this party where there was drinking and drugs and of course sex... and she sat on the front porch crying holding my hand begging me not to go and I let her hand go and walked off to my ride that was waiting to take me. Will my daughter break my heart like I broke my moms that night? Because I know thats exactly what I did. How could I have been so cold as to just walk away from the woman who gave me life and only has my best interest at heart and KNEW she KNEW that something bad was going to happen... and she was right. Someone slipped me an extacy pill at that party that night and I ended up making a HUGE mistake that I didnt even know I did until the next day when I saw the video tape and it had gotten half way around the school. She knew that something bad was going to happen and she even came the next day and picked me up from that place and held me while I cried because of what happened and she never even asked for an apology or said I told ya so or nothing...she was just there for me. Will I be as wonderful of a mother as she was? Because she was. She was WONDERFUL she was the absolute best mother ever and she is to this day still my best friend. What I am getting at is I am just scared. And how do I shake these feelings of not being good enough to be Kacis mom? Cause I don't feel like I am qualified sometimes to be a mom I thought before that I was completely ready and wanting this and I still want it but...Can I give her the perfect life she so much deserves?
As I sit here crying I hope nobody judges me for having these feelings I am not saying I am going to give my baby up or have an abortion or anything like that I just simply need help...advise ... words of encouragment...God...Anything...please
Brittany<3

22 weeks and 4 days !

Wow...hard to believe I only have like 17 weeks left. As sick as I was throughout the first part it sure did zoooooom by ! I am still in lots of pain. We had to make a trip to labor and delivery 2 days ago because I stupidly went out the day before and took care of some business with my husband cause he couldnt do it without me being there and it HAD to be done so we went out for about 3 hours and got alot accomplished but I guess when your supposed to be on bedrest and you get up and basically walk for 3 hours its not good. I woke up the next morning having some serious pains in my stomach so I called my doctor and she said to get to labor and delivery FAST ! I get there and they hook me up to this monitor and what do ya know ?? I am having REAL contractions !!!! Can you believe that!? At 22 weeks !!! I was terrified. And to top it all off the nurse could not find my babys heartbeat!! I had tears in my eyes the whole time so she went to get the smaller doppler and still couldnt find anything until all of the sudden you hear this huge BOOOOOOOM up against the doppler, my little angel was kicking it so hard the nurse laughed hysterically cause everywhere she put it Kaci just kept kicking it. It was magical. She finally got a read on her heart and it was 160 as always ! But, we fought Kaci to get it literally lol. It was worth every second though. The contractions werent dilating me and they werent consistent and they slowed down so the doctor sent me home on STRICT bedrest now...oh joy ! And I could be on it for the rest of pregnancy...BIGGER JOY !!
Whatever is best for Kaci though it just sucks cause I finally feel okay enough to get outta the house and go do stuff with my husband and now I cant. It makes me sad. I miss him taking me out and doing romantic things. He tries to bring me food and do everything for me but ... Its not the romanticness of a date. We havent had a real date since our wedding night lol cause he went outta town 2 days afterwards and came home 2 weeks later and stayed one night and apparently got me pregnant lol yea talk about good timing !!
Anyways Ill shut up I just thought I would write since I was up bright and early as usual.
Good luck Courtney !!!!!
Brittany<3

Officially Lazzzzzy

I do nothing here lately per my doctors orders but still bedrest is the least fun thing ever. Really the first 3 months of this pregnancy I put myself on bedrest due to so much sickness but now that a doctor has told me not to do very much I wanna do everything !!!! But, on the flip side I am in pain so laying down and being lazy seems to be the only thing helping since they took me off the percocet. I didn't wanna take those things but to be honest I do miss them lol. They gave me darvocet as a replacement and let me tell you those things don't do ANYTHING they don't even dull the pain in the least bit. Extra strength tylenol does more than those things !! So I don't even bother with taking them I took 2 and neither time had any relief so I didn't see a point in putting something more in my body when I really dont need it apparently.
On another note, I am watching alot of birth shows lately. Baby story, Deliver me, and all those wonderful shows on discovery health channel. And it is making me want my Kaci in my arms right now !! I know if she came out now she wouldnt survive so I tell her all the time when I get that way that just because I say I want her out now doesn't mean that she needs to come out now... we wanna keep her cooking for some more time and get her all big and healthy...okay maybe not biiiiiig but 7 pounds sounds nice lol but I think I am wishful thinking on that one since the doc and ultrasound tech both told me at my last appointment that she is already very big for her gest. age. My little butterball I suppose lol.
The hubs has been extremely wonderful since I have been on bedrest he does pretty much everything for me. Its so funny I think he would pee for me if he could. We were having some issues for a while but I really think it as just the stress of ..."oh wow we are gonna be parents!!" Now we are so excited and ready we dont even have our little stupid disagreements anymore. Its been really nice.
Anyways I have wrote you all a book today so I will shut my mouth!!
Hope everything is going great with ya'll
and Congratulations Courtney on getting your new job !!!!!!
Brittany<3

If its not one thing...its another...

So no more tummy virus...Thank you Lord !! But now, my body is stretching... WAY beyond her limits. My hips and lower back throb with pain all day and night long. A heating pad provides some relief but as soon as I get up it starts all over again. Doctor prescribed me percocet. I am not a pill taker. Even when I dont have another life growing inside me I hate putting pills in my body especially when those pills make me high as a freaking kite. It sounds bad but its true. I have been trying not to take them unless my pain gets excruciating and even then I take halves when you are supposed to take 2 every 4 hours lol. This is a small price to pay to make sure my child is okay but still... it hurts so bad I have never in my life felt such pain. I can't sleep anymore thats pretty much outta the question and the sad part is ... i have 18 more weeks of this lol. Its worth it I know I just hope my Kaci will look back and read this and know that I went thru so much just cause I wanted her so badly ! I am happy to report I have gained a whopping 15 pounds lol thats a matter of a month... YAY !! My doc was so freaking proud !!
I am proud of myself actually !
Well my hubby is home with some food.. that is important so ill write more later !!