Sometimes there isn't much to say...

I am miserable still and am showing no signs of having my daughter. As I have been in and out of the hospital the past week due to an INTENSE migraine and major contractions 4-5 minutes apart and picking up like crazy on the monitor I sat and thought to myself the other night as they told me they might have to take my daughter out that night I wondered to myself do I really want her out right now? Am I ready?? If this hurts then really how much worse does it get? Can I handle it?
I couldn't answer my questions and thankfully that night my daughter got to remain inside me. I keep thinking back to telling myself how badly I wanted her out and how I would just do anything to not be pregnant anymore. But now ? No, I want her to stay in. I am scared..no make that terrified. I don't think I am ready. I don't even think I'll be ready when she is due in 3 weeks. The doctor is talking about inducing in 2 weeks cause I talked about how miserable I was so much.
Its slowly hitting me that I will be a mother very soon and I just can't grasp this concept. I mean just a few years ago I was a stupid little teenager in high school and I followed my friends around doing drugs and breaking all the rules my parents set for me...and now here I am an adult...married to the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with and 2-3 weeks away from having my first child. WOAH !!! Talk about reality check. Watching a certain friend of mine still doing the exact same things we did in high school plus more and being an idiot has only scared me more.
At least as long as my little angel is inside me I can know that she is safe. That she is not out lying to me or doing drugs or (God forbid) having sex. I know these are things that I am LOTS of years away from but its scary. WAY SCARY !!
But, I'll hush. I will update if anything happens though.
<3Brittany

What a long week it has been...

I swear things are so hectic lately I don't think I can take it. I am nor 35 weeks and 4 days pregnant so I have about 4 weeks left till her due date..Doc says we will talk about inducing at 39 weeks if nothing has happened by then and I said the whole pregnancy I really didnt wanna be induced but ya know what I am to the point now where I am just that miserable I will let it happen. I have to for the sake of my sanity. If she would do it sooner I would. I am losing my mind and my body is just ACHING and I never thought I could hurt this much. At my doctors appointment last week I was still closed and thick and showing no signs of anything happening. I have another doctors appt Wednesday so we will see if anything changed. I doubt it.
On another note a friend of mine who is due about 10 days after me lost her baby girl on April 8th. Her daughter Jillian had a form of dwarfism called Osteogenesis Imperfecta which basically causes her bones to be brittle and break easily. If she sneezed it would have broken all her ribs...which an ultrasound showed that Jillians ribs were already broken and her little legs were as well. They were gonna do a c-section to ensure that she didnt break every bone in her body going through the birth canal but not for another few weeks but Becky went into pre-term labor and they had to do an emergency c-section and baby Jillian only lived about a minute and a half. I went to the funeral today and I don't know if I should or not cause all I saw when I saw that little baby in the casket was my baby Kaci. Even though I know she is okay. Its hard to even fathom what the parents are feeling right now.
I cant talk about it anymore I am getting upset.
Other then that a tornado hit about 3/4 of a mile from my apartments April 10th. On good friday of all days. Mom and I drove right past it and saw it. It was huge an f-4 to be exact which is a BIG tornado. It was a 1/2 a mile wide and stayed on the ground for 20 something miles. It destroyed so much I can't believe how lucky we are. A mother and her 9 week old baby girl died in it though they were the only ones I believe that to be enough...I wish so badly that nobody had died.
Anyways I am getting emotional and I am hurting so I am gonna go. I hope everyones week has been a great one. Happy Late Easter.
Brittany<3

34 weeks !!!!

Wow am I seriously 34 weeks pregnant ?!?!? I can't believe this...how amazing !! 5 weeks and 6 days left till her due date possibly less HOPEFULLY less. I am gonna meet my little angel. As I sit here typing this I can feel her just moving around in my belly making me fall that much more in love with her. How is this possible? How can I love someone so much who I have never even met!? What did I do to deserve something so amazing and perfect to be blessed on me. I must have done something right. As scared as I am to go into labor I am so ready...I am ready to hold her in my arms and to kiss her and I am ready for her to wrap her little hand around my finger and just hold it. Tears are just falling from my eyes right now thinking of the moment I see her face.
As of right now I am doing alright...I am very uncomfortable I am having lots of braxton hicks contractions that are hurting actually. I feel like I have an elephant just sitting on my chest. I have a feeling when I got to my doctors appointment next thursday I will possibly be dilated a little bit or effaced some...I dunno why I just have a feeling and I hope I am !!!
Anyways I was just gonna give a quick update. Love you guys...If I go into labor soon I will keep everyone posted.
Brittany<3