Dear Kaci 5 years old...

Kaci, I don't know where to begin. I cannot even begin to describe my emotions. 5 years ago you came into this world and started changing lives from that moment on. When you were born it was hard to imagine how much our lives would change. You always know your children will grow up but you just never dream that it will be quite as fast as it is. 5 years used to feel like a lifetime and now it seems like in the blink of an eye you went from a fragile little baby to a beautiful young lady, its not enough to just tell you how proud I am of you and how blessed I feel to be your mom. 5 years ago when you had your surgery I can remember the uncertainty of the future. I can remember the moment the doctor told us "we just don't know the extent of the damage to her intestines."...thinking that we may not see you grow up. We didn't know if you would see your 5th birthday but here we are. You surprised us then and you continue to surprise us. Your spirit and your love for life is so precious to me and gives me the strength to get through even the hardest of times. So much changed 5 years ago when you came into my life. I always knew growing up that I wanted to be a mother but it seemed like when it finally came time for me to become one I was so unsure of myself. I remember the moment the doctor told me that I was going to be going over to the hospital to have you, I felt my stomach drop. Before that moment I was sure I was ready and then the doctor dropped the bombshell on us and I panicked ! Laying in that hospital bed for 23 hours just waiting anxiously for the moment you came out was the scariest and most amazing time in my entire life. Its such a weird feeling to try to explain but any mother out there knows what I mean and one day you will understand when you have your first baby. So many people tell me they have seen a huge change in my since I became a mother, that I am a better person now. Well baby, if I am a better person its only because YOU make me one. You give me a purpose on this earth. I don't know sometimes how I even existed in this life before you. Imagining a world not filled with your laughter and beauty...is almost too much for me to bear. I love you more than anything in this whole world. Its fitting that I post this on Mothers Day because the best Mothers Day gift I could ever get, is being your mom.