Dear Kaci 2 years 7 months

My sweet baby. I know its been a while since I have wrote you and I am so sorry. Mommy has been slacking but its for a good reason. Mommy got a job about 3 months ago to help daddy with money so I have been so busy with working and taking care of you and the house and of course daddy too haha I just forgot completely about my letters but I promise to try to start up again on time. Yesterday you turned 2 years and 7 months old. I can't believe we are already over halfway to 3 years old. You have just grown up right in front of my eyes lately and it just breaks my heart to see you getting bigger and bigger. I swear everyday you find something new to show me you have learned. You can now count to twelve and say your whole alphabet. To make it even more amazing you read the alphabet off of flash cards in random order as well. You have just surpassed what I thought a baby your age could learn. I knew you were smart my baby but you are just simply a genius lol. I may be just a bit partial but I really feel like you are too smart for your own good lately. You are definitely in the middle of your terrible twos but its not to terrible. There are moments when you throw your fits but its nothing a little time out won't handle. You really dislike time out thats for sure. You're super vocal about everything lately. You talk talk talk up a storm. And you love to sing as well. You love to sing the "eating song" from Yo Gabba Gabba. Its so funny to hear you sing "Tummy tummy party party." I love it. Right now you are jumping on the couch after I have told you several times not to. But you're just so darn cute its hard to not just let you keep doing it lol. I guess I better go before you do a flip off of the couch or something lol. I love you my sweet angel and I will write more next month I promise.
Love, Mommy

Dear Kaci 27 months

My love how you have grown. There are just no words to express how fast this last month has went by. You are so big now its crazy. And talking, talking, talking. I think thats all you do nowadays. And you speak so clearly its kind of crazy sometimes. You can count to 10 and say bits of the ABCs. You can say over 70 words and will repeat whatever I ask you to. Its just amazing that you aren't that little baby anymore you are a full blown toddler now...and oh how it breaks mommys heart. When you were just born I thought of how much fun it would be when you got this age. How we would play together and watch princess movies together and stay up late having our little girl time...well we do all those things and they are amazing...but I find myself just wanting to go back. I want those moments back when you would wake up late at night and I would give you your bottle and rock you back to sleep all the while singing your favorite songs. You still love those songs to this day. You just don't have any urge for me to rock you anymore. And my arms ache for you. I wish so badly you would give me one hour of cuddle time with you...just to wrap my arms around you and kiss you and rub your back and sing to you...I feel like I am losing my baby. Of course I am not really losing you...you just don't need me as much as you once did and I am fine with that it just stings a little. First you didn't want to sleep in the bed with me anymore, then it was you didn't want me to rock you anymore, then it was you didn't need me to feed you anymore...and so many other things that you now don't need me for anymore. It hurts this mommys heart to know that you are growing up before my eyes and there is nothing I can do to slow this time down. Every moment with you...is amazing Kaci. You are without a doubt the most wonderful and amazing child God could have ever blessed me with. I feel so lucky to be your mommy. Through all the health scares and the long nights trying to figure out the right things to help those health issues...it was all worth it for you. I would do anything for you Kaci. I want you to always know and remember that even when I am long gone...you are my world. You are my heart. You are my sweet little baby bunny. And always remember there is no me without you my love. You are the reason I breathe. And no matter how big you get no matter whether you are 2 or 20...you will always be mommys baby.

Kaci 2 years months 1 and 2

My dear sweet Kaci,

Mommy is so very sorry that I skipped month on of writing your letters after your second birthday. You know mommys brain can sometimes (lots of times) not function properly and I just forget. Chasing you around the past 2 months has also kept me more than busy...obviously busy enough to neglect my blog for you. My sweet baby you are growing up right in front of my eyes. You are becoming less and less baby like each day and I see more and more toddler and young girl characteristics. You are such a mommy lately. You have a baby doll, well actually you have like 20, but this babydoll is your favorite and it just so happens to be the cheapest lol. But you carry her around and pat he on the back and you will sing to her and try to change her diaper. Its the sweetest thing I have ever seen. When I saw you climb up in the rocking chair with her wrap a blanket around her and put her up on your shoulder and try to rock her to sleep the way I used to rock you...tears welled up in my eyes. Thats been happening a lot lately. I get that lump in the back of my throat like I am about to cry so much lately because its just like everytime I look at you...you're different. How is that possible? How are you growing so fast? I wish time had a pause button. I need for time to have a pause button. I feel like everyday you do something or say something new. Which talking is one of your favorite in things to do nowadays. Baby you can blabber on about pure nothingness for hours on end and its so precious. But I really love the age you are at because you are able to finally tell me what you want and don't want and if you need something like a diaper change you tell me now. Its very nice. You have a brand new cousin who you got to meet the other day for the first time. You were a bit jealous as first of baby Tej but you warmed up to him. You were jealousy while mommy was holding him and you reached up and grabbed my hand and said "You my mommy" Of course I am you mommy sweetie but Tej is mommys nephew my one and only nephew and I am so happy to have him. I am first and foremost yours ALWAYS ! Of course you knew that though. You say some of the funniest things sometimes. And not to mention the funny things you do. The other day you pooped in the potty (RARELY HAPPENS) Well when you got done and got up to flush you of course had to get mommy to flush it for you and as it was going down you said "BYEEEEE POOP!!!" I laughed so hard I cried. It was an amazing moment that I will surely never forget. You're really enjoying having me around these days. It used to be you wanted to play in your room alone while I got stuff done around the house but now you want me to come in the room and play with you or watch a movie with you. I am fine with it. Playing baby dolls and watching Tangled for the millionth time...there is nothing I would rather be doing than spending time with you my love. You have really just grown lately. And its breaking my heart all over again. Every month you get a little older and I see these changes in you and I definitely realize the passage of time is something I just have to live with...and I have to soak of every ounce of every moment with you because it does go so fast. Recently you probably saw mommy upset. A mother named Casey Anthony killed her little daughter that was the same age as you...and she got away with it. I know you don't understand that now but you will one day...and I just was so shaken by this trial and the story. It was heartbreaking. I hugged you tight for a while the night they announced her not guilty. I am not sure exactly why it made me want to hold you but it did. I guess it just made me realize that someone out there killed that 2 year old girl no matter who it was she was killed and it hit to close to home. And I just wanted you to know I will never let anything happen to you my angel. You are my world and you always will be. I would lay down my own life if it meant you would live a long healthy and happy life. I just love you Kaci. You're my best friend. In fact I am gonna go snuggle up next to you right now and go to sleep. I love you my angel.

-Mommy

Dear Kaci...2 years old.

I don't even know how to put the words together to tell you how I feel. You turning 2 has been something I knew was coming and thought that I couldn't wait for it to be here and now that is it here...I just want to go back. I want time to slow down. I feel as if I just woke up one day and you went from that tiny fragile 7 pounds miracle to this amazing little 2 year old who is talking and being so independent I don't know how to keep up. I am so very proud of you my angel. I know that I say it all the time but Kaci you really are a miracle. Every parent feels that way about their children but you honestly are. Since before I got pregnant with you...challenges in life have been fighting against you. From finding out 3 months before I was pregnant with you that I "couldn't" have children, and then the white spot and cyst on your brain that magically went away while I was pregnant with you, and then the life threatening surgery you had to repair your bowel and you didn't lose ANY bowel at all...yes my darling you truley are a miracle. I sit here day after day and I feel like we just don't have enough time. I try so hard everyday to savor each second. To take in every new thing you do...but there just aren't enough hours in the day to experience all the amazing things you do.

I thought when I was younger that I wanted to finish school and then get my youth out of me before having children. I always thought that I wanted to work and have fun with my friends and maybe after I was done with all that I might have children. I never really pictured myself having kids because I honestly never had that dream. It was something that I just imagined I would do later in life....but then you came along. And you helped me realize a dream that I never knew that I had. I look at you and I am just so amazed that I created you. That I held you in my body and made you. Its unreal. I never thought I could create such perfection. But, my gosh am I glad that I did.

On this day my beautiful little girl...I just want you to know how loved you are. How wanted you were. And how precious your presence is to me. Your smile when I come in your room in the mornings seems to be able to brighten up even the darkest of days. Your hugs and kisses in the moments that I need them the most can remove every single dark cloud that life throws at me. I hope that one day you can thank God for giving me to you as a mother like I thank God for giving me your mimi as mine...but sweetie I am the lucky one. I thank God everyday for giving me you. I feel so blessed to be your mother. I know there is a God when I look at you...and that he chose me to be your mommy...I don't know why but I won't question it because you are the absolute be thing to ever happen to me...and I don't know what I would do without you my sweet angel. So I hope you had an amazing birthday and I can't wait to have many many more with you.
I love you my little miracle.
Love,
Mommy

Dear Kaci 23 months...

I cannot believe that in less than a month you will be 2. I can't even begin to describe how crazy it is to say I have a 2 year old ! You are so crazy lately. You talk CONSTANTLY I swear its like you woke up one morning and decided to talk. You doctor said that a child your age should be saying between 15-25 words and your daddy and I wrote out how many words you are saying and you say right around 50. I was shocked. I guess when I hear you say them I don't realize just how many you say. But of course you are so smart I don't know why I was so shocked. You are absolutely the most amazing baby on this planet. I have been hard at work planning your birthday party. Its going to be zebra print themed. I got you a zebra print skirt and I got a hot pink shirt and I am putting a zebra print 2 on it and you have a bow and sunglasses to match. And your daddys cousin is making you a zebra print cake. She made our wedding cake so I know she will do amazing ! I am so excited for you to get the day to spend with all your family in one place. I know you miss your nana and papa when you can't seem them. Lets just hope the weather isn't a repeat of last year since your birthday was the day of the worst flooding Tennessee has ever seen. And we had 2 tornado warnings for our area during your party also haha. So yea I am hoping for nice weather this year for sure. I went back and forth on whether or not to rent a place for your birthday or have it at the house I eventually decided that it was would be nuts to spend over 150 dollars renting out a place for a 2nd birthday. Maybe for your 3rd but I think you would enjoy it just being at the house this year. Luckily daddy got his grill fixed so we are gonna grill out and have a good day just praying for a beautiful day this year ! If its not we will still have fun ! And you don't know it yet but you are getting an AWESOME birthday present. Mommy and daddy are buying you a car. Of course not a real car but an electric car just your size. Still havent decided completely on which one we are getting but you are definitely going to be riding around in style next month ! I am just still in shock that I will have a 2 year old in just a few short weeks. But Kaci I am so incredibly grateful to have you. You are so amazing and I feel so blessed to have you. I don't want to say to much in this letter. Gonna save all the mushy good stuff for your birthday letter next month. I love you my baby !!
-Mommy

Dear Kaci 21 and 22 months

I am so sorry my baby that I forgot to write your 21 month letter. Things have been so hectic around here that mommy just had a brain fart. I hope you will forgive me. Mommy is so proud of you. You are learning how to talk to much more now. Just this past month I have started to really be able to understand what you are trying to tell me and I love it. When you want something you point to it and say "I want" and if I pick up the wrong thing I get a big "NOOOOOO". I know I am not supposed to laugh when you say no but gosh it is so cute I can't help myself. The terrible twos aren't as bad as I thought they were going to be. You throw a temper tantrum every now and then but nothing that I can't handle. You are seriously so well behaved I feel blessed. I mean don't get me wrong you have your moments thats for sure but for the most part I have no complaints. You are spoiled rotten. But hey I wouldn't have you any other way. We recently got you a new bedroom suit and you LOVE IT !! Its got a big girl bed instead of that small toddler bed that you couldn't move around in. And your MiMi got you a flat screen tv instead of that old thing you had in there before. I feel so blessed to have your MiMi here and I know you love it too...Anytime I don't give you your way you start yelling for MiMi but she loves it and I really don't mind. We recently had your Uncle Mikey and Aunt Jayas baby shower here at our house and you were so well behaved. You followed Uncle Mikey around pretty much the whole time and when he left you were walking around the house for days saying "Mikey?? Mikey??" It was so precious. You really do love him and I am so glad cause he loves you so so much. Your baby dedication was a few weeks ago and you were on your best behavior there as well. You looked so beautiful in your little pink dress and when they were singing you got up and started dancing. It was awesome. I can't think of a better way to give you back to God. Since you really belong to him he just loaned you to me :). And I am so blessed that he chose me to be your mother. I couldn't have hand picked a more perfect child even if I had had the chance. You are everything I ever wanted and more. I feel so lucky lately. Things are falling into place. Daddy and I have been doing amazing lately I feel like I am falling in love with him all over again. I start school March 8th and I am very excited to better myself not only for me but for you and your daddy as well. Your MiMi gets to go back to work. I just love life...I couldn't ask for a more fulfilling life than the one I have and I know that I owe it all to God. We have been going to church and I just love knowing that you are going to be brought up knowing God. I know I am jumping from one subject to the next but the point is I love you more than anything baby and I cannot believe you are 22 months old. in just 2 short months you will be 2 years old and I don't even know how to comprehend that. You are growing up way to fast for me and while I love it and I also don't because you are slowly becoming your own little person who doesn't need mommy as much. But we won't get into all that. I love you baby and heres to another amazing month being in your presence.

Miserable People...

Things lately have been looking up. I feel like I have been so much happier lately than I have been the past few months. I had just been a in a funk and I finally found my way out. This week has been exceptionally great because we found out my mom gets to go back to work :) she gets to keep her insurance so when and IF she needs the transplant she has the coverage for it! On top of that we have been going to church the past few weeks...I honestly think that is what I needed to pull myself out of the funk. We are having Kaci dedicated to God on the 20th at our new church and I just cannot WAIT to witness it! Also financially speaking we are doing great ! Bills caught up and actually ahead on most of them...it feels good to be stable again. And my marriage...has been wonderful. We are working together to build our relationship into a stronger one and its working really well for us.

But, there are some miserable people out there who just can't seem to be happy for me. They feel its their place obviously to bring me down. And not DIRECTLY saying they are trying to do it I guess they think makes it less obvious to me but I am not dumb. I don't understand why people can't just not say anything at all if they have nothing nice to say. It's really actually humorous to me that these people are THAT miserable in their own lives that they have to TRY to bring me down. But, sadly their attempts at trying to make me as miserable as they are have failed. I am happy and for once I refuse to apologize for being happy. I have no reason to lie or put on a front about it...I AM HAPPY and it burns you and you know what? I don't care because I will continue to be exactly what I am. Life is to short for me to sit back and worry about what you feel or how you feel about me...I am tired of worrying about what I am gonna say and wondering if its going to upset someone if I say the wrong thing. I am tired of letting others push me around...its went on WAY to long. I am ready to be happy 24/7 and if that means pushing the negative and miserable people out of my life then so be it. I refuse to be anyones doormat. I just can't stand miserable people...Live your own life and STOP worrying about mine. Kay thanks bye !