It's days like this....

Yep its been one of those days. My aunt Lorie died on Friday. She overdosed. I had not seen her in 2 years but I still am very sad. I loved her to death when I got to see her. Every Christmas she would tell me how much more beautiful I had gotten since the year before. She lived a few hours away so it was always hard to get to see her and my family over there very often. Her visitation was tonight. My mother and I tackled the hard task of getting Kaci in the car and driving a few hours to the funeral home to pay our respects. Kaci did surprisingly well in the car. The funeral home was a different story. Kaci screamed when anyone but me and mom held her. But, ya know some babies are just like that. Some of my family made me feel bad and said that I was gonna be really sorry that I let her get so "spoiled". Ya know I think thats a load of crap. Just because my baby doesn't want to be held by random strangers she isn't used to. She is my little princess and I am gonna parent her as I see fit and that doesn't include letting 50 million random people hold her and breath germs and everything on her while she screams and just let her scream until she is used to people... Sorry if that bothers them but I just won't.
Anyways...It just hasn't been a great weekend. More father drama as usual...but I won't bore you with my problems.
If you have checked out MckMamas Blog recently you would have noticed that little baby Stellan had his 2nd ablation today. He made it through spectacularly and is SVT FREE !!! If you are not familiar with his story please go over and read from the beginning trust me. I have been following her for a while now but just last night I actually went all the way to the beginning and read through her pregnancy with him and birth and all the struggles with his SVT and first ablation. She is such a strong woman. Please go read if you have a chance the story truley shows God's work and how he can create miracles. Her son Stellan is a true miracle just my like sweet baby is.
Also I had a nice little surprise in my mail today. I forgot to mention that I won a contest on my friend Jessica Blog and I got 3 hairbows for Kaci when she has enough hair !!! They are so cute I will put pics up of them later but I am so thankful I won the contest !! Thank you very much Jessica. And while Jessica is my friend IRL I really guessed the correct answer she did not give me any hints nor tell me. I just remembered her mentioning she loves Candy corn pumpkins lol.
Well, I am gonna go lay down next to my 2 favorite people.
Hope you guys are doing well.
OH P.S. !!!! I AM STARTING SCHOOL WEDNESDAY TO BECOME A MEDICAL ASSISTANT !!!!!!!!!!!!
My first 2 classes this semester are Academic strategies for the healthcare professional and Medical law and bioethics. They some hard so we will see. I have to maintain a "C" average to keep my financial aid so wish me luck !
I will leave you with a photo of my gorgeous daughter just cause I like to show her off in all her beauty.

Letters to Kaci...

Dear my turtle,
Yes that is right. You have a new nickname. You acquired this new name because when you wake up lately I will come in the room and you have your head just kinda popped up and you look like a little turtle poking its head out of its shell. Its the sweetest thing in the world. I can't believe you are already 6 months old ! Where did time go my angel? It seems just yesterday I was in the hospital having you and then you were in Vanderbilt having your surgery and now here you are. A half a year old. Its definitely bittersweet to me. I love and hate watching you grow up. Today we were in the floor doing our daily rolling around on the carpet exercise and you got up on 4's and scooted from one end of the room to the other. You didnt crawl you scooted but its a work in progress. You are doing wonderful my baby. We have been doing baby food for a few weeks now. You love and hate some of it. So far sweet potatoes are number 1 and number 2 has been carrots. You officially hate peas and green beans and the Vegetable turkey dinner (which I don't blame you). You were on the fence about Macoroni and cheese but you dont really seem that into it so we have stopped that. Of course your still drinking your formula but you are just not going through one big can in 2 days now haha. Your now sitting up so good on your own. Your still wobbly sometimes and fall over occasionally but for the most part you sit up by yourself. You have developed what I believe to be baby acne or some sort of rash from drooling so much. You go to the doctor for you 6 month check-up this week so hopefully Dr. Little will be able to tell me if that is in fact what it is and what we can do about it because Auntie Jessica will be coming soon and wants to do your pictures and we can't very well have you covered in that stuff. I love you so much my angel. Mommy is very tired right now so I gotta go lay next to you.

Half a year old??

Really? No way !!!!!! My daughter is 6 months old today...Bittersweet. While I enjoy watching her grow and watching the new things she does...I hate that it goes so fast. What happened to my sweet little baby whole really did nothing but sleep and eat and poop lol Now she is such a character !! I love her so much. Happy half year birthday my angel. I hope you enjoyed watching the Michael Jackson movie with mommy and mimi tonight cause you sure acted like you did. I am gonna go lay in bed next to you and daddy. I love you my little turtle !

Happy Halloween.

My daughters first Halloween...

Wow

I just realized my last post was my 100th post ! Go me !

So in other news I have had a good day and a terrible day. Good news first. I registered for school ! I am officially a college student now !!!! YES !!! I got my financial aid which I recieved the Pell Grant and I get 3,000 a semester. I also took out 2 student loans one for 3,000 and another for 5,000 and that is all I should have to do as of now. I am enrolled to get my Associates in Medical Assisting !! Thats right I am gonna be in the medical field. My LIFELONG dream has been to be in the medical field and help people. I plan to finish school and get a job and once I shave down some of my student loans I will go back to school to get my RN !!! I am gonna be a nurse ! I am just way to happy for words. I finally feel as is life is falling into place. I am exactly where God wants me to be and I couldn't be any happier. I am truley blessed.

Okay now the not so good part. Well truley it is just showing more of the blessings God has given me and my friend so its not bad just brought up so bad memories.

My friend Sydni(she used to be my best friend in High school) Recently gave birth to her son Mason. He was born 5 weeks early and was 5 pounds and 19 and a half inches long. At 2 days old Mason was found with his abdomen completely swollen...and for those who have followed me in my journey with my daughter you know exactly why his abdomen was swollen. Thats right he had exactly what my daughter had. He had blockages in his intestines otherwise known as Intestinal Malrotation. My mind became flooded at the words I was reading as she told me through text messaging what her little boy had went through. At 2 days old he had his surgery and is now in the NICU having the green bile pulled off his belly. As you know this all happened to my daughter. My heart is overwhelmed. I have cried for her and Mason and her fiance all day. This hit me like a ton of bricks...I know what she is feeling. I can still to this day remember having the doctor come in and tell me the news...and I can remember the numbness but seemingly overwhelming feeling at that moment. I remember seeing my daughter hooked up to IVs and monitors...I remember falling to my knees and asking God why...why my baby? Why my family? I remember resenting God for a split second but then realizing that he pulled her through it and it is because of him that my daughter is alive and well today. The feeling of being so helpless...Watching my daughter day in and day out not being able to eat when all she wanted to do was eat. Watching green,brown, and yellow bile being pulled off her stomach and having a doctor tell me that if this had gone another week...I dont know if your daughter would still be alive...The tears just keep coming. These are not things that I like the think about. Though I love the fact that my daughter life so far is a testimony for people to show how amazing God is. I guess I just hate being flooded with the firs tmonth of my daughters life being so scary. Leaving the hospital with an empty carseat is a feeling NO MOTHER she ever have to feel. It is heart wrenching and there were days I didnt want to get out of bed I didnt want to wake up but I had to be strong for her and now look at us...My daughter is the light of my life. She is healthy and beautiful and SMART and just down right amazing !!!

So since I forgot to write your letter today...here is to you my miracle. That is exactly what you are! You saved mommys life and your the best thing to EVER happen to me. I love you my sweet angel!

From this...



To this...




YOU are the true definition of a miracle !

Not Me Monday!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week I certainly did not sit my child down on the couch only to find that I sat her head right down on my digital camera and now she has a tiny bruise on her head...not me cause only a terrible mommy would do that !!!
I also did not have to pee so bad today and my child wasn't screaming so loud that I decided to take her in there with me while I pee and let her sit on my lap as I do so...nope I would NEVER do that because that is just weird right?
I also did not totally cry like a huge baby when my cheerleaders won 1st place in every category and took grand champion...no of course I didnt because that would make me a complete sissy and a total loser !!!
I also did not get my daughters ears pierced because everyone kept thinking she was boy...not this mommy no sireeee I would not do that !! (but as a side note she looks BEAUTIFUL).

So theres my not me monday ! :)

I am such a bad blogger !!

I forgot to write my weekly letter to Kaci on Tuesday!! *bad mommy* but here it is...late but still awesome !

Dear my little tater tot,

This week has been a crazy one. You have spent pretty much every waking minute with your mommy. I have enjoyed EVERY single second of it. Daddy hasn't had a day off in almost 2 weeks now so you have missed him but he will get a day off soon and he has already promised to let mommy get a much needed day to sleep in !! Ahhh I cannot wait. But, I have enjoyed it just being me and you. We have had some adventures the past few days. Mommy has went to the social security office twice this week once to get your SS card and another to get her one with her NEW name on it. Yes mommy and daddy have been married a year and mommy just now changed her name legally ! Gosh mommy is just scatter brained but you knew that. I took you shopping the past few days as well. Today I let you pick out some toys. We got you a new banky that has a giraffe on it and you named him Ralph and I got you your first doll and her name is Betty. I also got you some neat little letters to put on the bath tubs walls and spell out things. I figured it would be something fun you and mommy can do together since you love bath time. I also bought you a big girl bath tub this week. This makes mommy very sad that you are getting big enough to be in a bath tub that you can sit up in. Your tub is a pink inflatable duck *big duck duck* and you can squeeze the beak and he quacks !! You were very hesitant at first the way you are with every new thing but you have grown to like it alot more lately. I am so happy that you like it. Well my darling...mommy has to get up early tomorrow. Its gonna be the first day all week and that I dont get to be with you that much. Mommy has cheerleading competition so I will be gone most of the afternoon but I promise as soon as its over I will quickly be home to you !!! I think you and MiMi may come so perhaps we wont have to be apart that much !! I love you my baby.
Mommy<3