3 in the morning....

I couldn't sleep so I got up and got on the net. Talking to a friend of mine I realized how quickly my priorities changed when I became a mommy. I used to go shopping and all I thought about was buying things for myself. I love spending money its one of my favorite things to do and I used to love spending it on myself. Now, I could careless whether I get new clothes... All I do is think about her. I just spent 40 bucks on pajamas for her online and I got a sling to carry her in for 50 dollars from this site. I can't wait to get them in the mail. Its gonna be like Christmas to me. I cant wait to unwrap my sling and put her in it and carry her around. We are going to the chatanooga aquarium soon and it will be perfect to carry her around in. I cant wait. Life is good.
Its nice to have a friend like Jess to talk to. We feel the same about alot of things when it comes to our children. She is an excellent mother and I value her opinion so much. I look up to her... I always have its weird. She isn't that much older than me but I seriously look up to her. She is so smart and just a WONDERFUL mom. I couldn't ask for a better friend. She calls me on my bullshit and tell me when something isn't right and doesnt critisize me about my decisions. I am so thankful she helped me get my vaxxing schedule just perfect to where I felt comfortable with it enough to talk to her pediatrician about. Before I really didn't have a plan of action I just knew I wanted to delay the vaxxing or space it out. I got Kaci her 2 month shots and all the combo shots just aren't for me. So jess helped me come up with a plan of action on how I want to do it and I really am thankful for it cause without her I would be putting stuff in my childs body without even knowing what I was putting in there. God definitely put he in my life for a reason and I can't wait til she lives closer again cause I miss her so much.
Okay now that I have gone all hallmark on ya I gotta get to bed. Night guys.
Brittany<3

One year today..

Last year on this day I saw this...


I never really posted the story of how I found out so I guess its about that time.
On September 4,2008 I woke up REALLY early. That whole week I had been feeling very nauseated but there was a stomach bug going around so I chalked it up to that. I had also been getting up really early that whole week which was unusual. I had heard that in early pregnancy your sleep patterns may change. But, anyways I woke up around 7 that morning and my mom was up getting ready for work. Brandon was still out of town. I got up and I had a sudden urge and craving for bacon and eggs. I am never hungry early in the morning so this struck me as wierd too. So mom said she would fix me some cause she makes the best eggs and bacon and toast but we didnt have any bread so I ran to the drug store right across the street. While I was there something told me to buy a pregnancy test. I figured I would take it just to put it out of my mind since I was only 2 days late which wasn't unusual. So I went home and mom fixed me the food and I forgot to take the test. I went and laid back down and took a nap and when I woke up I said what the heck I will go ahead and take it. Well I peed on it and sat it down and walked into my bedroom and walked back in and by the time I got back in there the second line had appeared. I was totally freaking out. I was home alone and I jsut saw a positive pregnancy test. I started crying and called my mom. When I got on the phone with her the convo went something like this...
Mom-"hey Brittany"
Me-"MOM !!! I NEED YOU TO COME HOME !!"
Mom-"why? whats wrong"
Me-"I just took a pregnancy test and its positive mom I think its positive !!! What do I do?"
Mom-"Your lying to me Brittany please dont be joking"
And I wasn't I jumped in my car and took off to wal-mart. When I got there the test had faded a little but you could still see it. Mom still didn't wanna get her hopes up since it was so faint. And everyone there kinda said its a bit to faint to tell so they didn't think I was. So I made an appointment with this place called the pregnancy crisis center and they could get me in that night at 6. Well, I called Brandon and he was in total shock and disbelief. He jumped in his truck and drove 3 and 1/2 hours home to come go with me. I was so sure that test was wrong I wasn't even excited for the visit. We got there and I took the test and the woman said "I see 2 lines!" And I said no you dont !! NO YOU DONT !!! OH my gosh Im gonna have a baby !!! Thank you God !!!!! I was crying so hard. I wanted a baby so bad and I was told I would have a hard time having babies so I was so happy. I came out cause Brandon couldnt go back there with me. I came out with this piece of paper and a sad look on my face and he was like oh its negative and I popped the piece of paper out and it had positive circled ! He got this huge smile on his face and hugged me. We called my mom and my mom said so give it to me gently. Brandon said well I am holding a piece of paper that say positive on it your gonna be a grandma. And she SCREAMED at the top of her lung and bawled her eyes out. She was so happy. I think she was happier than we were.
But, thats the story. its nothing extravagant but it is so important to me. I remember my feelings that day and I just cant describe the happiness I felt. So in a year we went from that positive pregnancy test to this...

She is my everything. My whole heart. The smile is the reason I wake up in the morning. Gosh I am so blessed.
Brittany<3

Sometimes there are no words...

I just saw the most horrific thing in my whole life. I am warning you this is VERY graphic so if you don't want to hear it stop reading now and don't watch the video because it has graphic images... I was on my birth board and there was a post about This video so I watched it. Its a news story about a baby girl. She would be 6 years old now. Her name was Brianna. When she was less than 6 months old her parents abused her. Not only did they abuse her. They raped her. Her uncle and father. They bit her and threw her to the ceiling and let her plop down to the ground. I have never felt so much hate for people in my whole life. Its hitting me so hard cause this little girl was around Kacis age right now. And not only that...she looks like my daughter. I looked at her face with the bruises and I saw her little face...my heart broke into a thousand pieces. She was innocent. She was perfect. She was a gift from God. And they killed her. Not only did they kill her they tortured her. There are no words left in me...I still sit here stunned and in shock that someone could do this. I hate these people. They deserve the death penalty. No that is not even good enough. They deserve the worst kind of death. But, they only got 18 years. 18 years in jail for taking the life of an innocent little baby. I am going to go cuddle with my daughter and hug her and kiss her. I just wanted to post this so everyone would remember baby Brianna. Know that she was beautiful and innocent and is now in heaven with God. And I can only hope there is a special place in hell reserved for those who hurt her.

Dane Cook

Yes thats right. My mother is the best mother in the whole world....she has bought me and her 2 tickets to his show at the Sommet Center in Nashville on October 17th !!!!!
I have been in love with him for like 4 years now and I have been dying to see him live...and now its gonna happen!! Ahhh I am so happy.
In other news...my father is in the hospital again. His legs are swelled up with fluid. I would normally be really worried about him but this is the norm. Her goes to the hospital alot for that. I am just still so upset with him...I haven't talk to him in days and I don't plan on talking to him for a few more weeks. I don't even know where to begin to start telling him how disappointed in him I am...I am so hurt.
Anyways. I just wanted to share my good news.
Quick update on Kaci...she is a mess and doing awesome !!! Teething is getting the best of her some nights she just fights her sleep...it really is hard to watch her scream cause she is so tired but she just wont go to sleep. But, then all I have to do is hand her to MiMi and she is OUT !! Its nice to know she falls asleep for someone.


Brittany<3

I just realized...

I posted my "Not Me Monday" on Tuesday... that is how messed up I am lately. I dont know where my head is anymore...
So my dad has hurt me once again. I was on my way to get him to take him to his sisters funeral and my mom called me and told me not to go cause dad couldn't leave the halfway house he is living at and I asked why and she gave me some lame excuse that he got into an altercation with some guy and I know my dad and I doubt that would have happened the way she said it did. So I got home and she told me the real reason...He got a dirty urine. Methadone... Again... When does it end? Methadone has ruled my life...my entire life and I have never even touched the stuff. It not only has ruined my fathers life but it is slowly ruining mine. Why do I keep letting him hurt me? Why am I so stupid...

I just need a friend to talk to so bad right now and guess what?? I have nobody...All my friends have their own lives now and arent at all worried about my problems...
Pfft who would be?? As many times as I have let him do this to me I would get tired of hearing it to..

Not Me Monday

So its my second week in a row doing the not me mondays !!

I did not get mad at my husband because my friends "boyfriend" sent her flowers just because it was tuesday and he is over in Iraq !!!

I don't have much else to say. Things are a little crazy over here lately. My aunt died yesterday... My dad is really upset about it. His family doesn't even want him at the funeral...it pisses me off so I am going with him just in case his other sister or someone says something out of line cause he won't stick up for himself and I refuse to let those people belittle him because of his past. I know he has screwed up tremendously but he is my father and I stand by him as I know he would stand by me.
I miss my daddy so much....it will be nice to spend some time with him...I just wish it was under different circumstances.

I just can't get enough...

I really can't ... I love Kaci so much. I have been reading some blogs lately about parents who lost their babies due to illness or SIDS and I just am so thankful for my healthy baby girl. I know we had a bit of a speedbump in the beginning cause of her malrotation and surgery all that but she made it through that and is now my happy and healthy angel. I love her. Gosh, I just never thought it was possible to love someone this much. She is my whole heart. How could someone be so perfect? She just makes me want to be a better person. She gives me strength when I am weak. Ahhh I just can't breath sometimes because I am just so in love with my little baby. I have waited forever to be a mommy but I never thought that it would be this wonderful. Its so crazy how quickly my priorities changed. It seems like just yesterday I was a stupid teenage girl running around getting into SERIOUS trouble with my friends and now here I am a mommy. I love my life... I really do.
In other news I just purchased 3 books online used. I got all 3 for 22.00 and that is with shipping and tax and everything. My husband I hope will be proud for my bargain shopping hehe. I haven't gotten to read much lately so it will be nice to sit down with a good book while Kaci is napping.
Also, I just wanted to say that on this day last year I was conceiving my daughter !!! That is right one year ago today me and hubby did the deed and made my wonderful little angel !! On my brothers birthday hahahah !
I will cherish this day. And September 4th is slowly approaching and thats the day I found out I was expecting my little miracle... ahhh I love to think back !
I love her so much !!!!!